A lot of people in a LA need to take a break from taking a break. — Dov Davidoff Break Copy Share Image
America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself. — Dov Davidoff America Copy Share Image
I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood. — Dov Davidoff Appreciated Copy Share Image
It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant. — Dov Davidoff Beauty Copy Share Image
Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social. — Dov Davidoff Annoying Copy Share Image
Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it. — Dov Davidoff Expensive Copy Share Image
Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush. — Dov Davidoff Bathroom Copy Share Image
Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but… — Dov Davidoff Different Copy Share Image
How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more? — Dov Davidoff Instruments Copy Share Image
Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland… — Dov Davidoff Animal Copy Share Image
Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with… — Dov Davidoff Comedy Copy Share Image
One day I'd like to beat you at your own game, but your game is badmitton so that will probably never happen. — Dov Davidoff Beats Copy Share Image
I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away… — Dov Davidoff Fall Copy Share Image
The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having. — Dov Davidoff Amount Copy Share Image
The next actor I meet that uses the term 'courageous' to describe another actor's performance is getting punched in the face. — Dov Davidoff Actors Copy Share Image
Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you… — Dov Davidoff Comic Copy Share Image
You forget how crazy people are in New York, all the people on the sidewalk. When you leave here, everyone's in their… — Dov Davidoff Car Copy Share Image
I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting. — Dov Davidoff Attracted Copy Share Image
I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor. — Dov Davidoff Donor Copy Share Image
All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully. — Dov Davidoff Deliver Copy Share Image
Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be. — Dov Davidoff Gym Copy Share Image
Coming to terms with my feelings of worthlessness isn't always a bad time, but it's rarely a good one. — Dov Davidoff Bad time Copy Share Image
Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach. — Dov Davidoff Beach Copy Share Image
Is it cynical to assume that anyone smiling is a liar and a criminal? — Dov Davidoff Assuming Copy Share Image
Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me. — Dov Davidoff Do you love me Copy Share Image
Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them. — Dov Davidoff Age Copy Share Image
Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding. — Dov Davidoff Cases Copy Share Image
Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move. — Dov Davidoff Drive Copy Share Image
The fabric of society is woven together by the needle of suppression and denial. — Dov Davidoff Denial Copy Share Image
Space and time are figments of you're imagination, unless the guy you're flying next to won't shut up. — Dov Davidoff Figments Copy Share Image
The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time. — Dov Davidoff Blood Copy Share Image
Perhaps being hated in the right way is preferable to being loved in the wrong one. — Dov Davidoff Being hated Copy Share Image
People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn. — Dov Davidoff Commitment Copy Share Image
Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right? — Dov Davidoff Knows Copy Share Image
Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem? — Dov Davidoff Attractive Copy Share Image
I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well. — Dov Davidoff Gay Copy Share Image
Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes. — Dov Davidoff Anger Copy Share Image
