My kids are so dramatically different, but it's not like I would trade one in or like there's one I would pick… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I've been doing stand-up for so long, I think 19 years, that I love topics I can also expand on. Once I… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I grew up in a Catholic family in the Midwest. And I knew people of different faiths and people that were atheists… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
There are different parts of us. You want to feel safe but you want to also feel challenged. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
The amount of guilt you deal with as a parent is pretty profound. It's a constant balancing act. I'm an ambitious person,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
You ever mix two different groups of friends? That can be stressful. You always feel like you have to prep 'em. You're… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Steakhouses sort of have this old-school nature to them; they're like museums full of good food. It's fun hearing the waiter share… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I always had this romantic notion of living in New York. I just felt like, everyone could be different and weird and… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving is the most complicated meal you can think of. Every night, dinner is just pasta. It's just different shapes of pasta. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I kind of consider myself... I mean, I try to have my comedy be accessible, and if people are paying $30 to… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I definitely write about things that are universal, that everyone can identify with. You're supposed to write about things you're passionate about… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
