Why can't death - if we must have it - be always glorious, as in 'The Iliad?' — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If death weren't around to 'finalize' the Darwinian process, we'd all still be amoebas. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Infant mortality and life expectancy are reasonable indicators of general well-being in a society. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I blame feminism and Facebook for the death of the American automobile. I'm a Republican, so I blame everything on feminism -… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Death is so important that God visited death upon his own son, thereby helping us learn right from wrong well enough that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A careful reading of 50 Simple Things leaves you wondering whether you're going to die from environmental disaster or intellectual annoyance. Failing… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
During the mid-1980s dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and slaughtered 1.6… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The purpose of a funeral service is to comfort the living. It is important at a funeral to display excessive grief. This… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
