When I used to watch comedians with my dad, he laid it all out for me. He wanted to be a comedian himself, and he was so funny. We'd watch stand-up on TV, and he'd tell me the subtext of… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
I say I'm the only serious comedian in the presidential race. And I'd like to take this opportunity to ask both Romney and Obama to debate me. Because I think that both of those guys - I think that the… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
There isn't a problem on this earth that a doughnut cannot make better. — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
I had left home (like all Jewish girls) in order to eat pork and take birth control pills. When I first shared an intimate… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
Pot enables you to think clearly without any fear or any limits. It's a mind-expander, which is part of why it's illegal and why… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
My dad taught me swears when I was a toddler, and I saw, at a really early age, that if I shocked people, I… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
I thank God for creating gay men. Because if it wasn't for them, us fat women would have no one to dance with. — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
“I consider myself to be apretty good judge of people...That's why I don't like any of them.” — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
Sometimes for me not throwing a tantrum is what running a marathon or swimming the English Channel must be like for others of a… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
Here is my personal opinion about prostitution. If men knew how to do it, they wouldn't have to pay for it. — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
Finding a calm place inside myself through meditation kind of helped me to get over a lot of mental illness ... it's just been… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
