Nikhil Saluja

Atom Bomb: The invention to end all other inventions.

— Nikhil Saluja

I always find my temper when it's too late

— Nikhil Saluja

Okay, okay, I take it back! UnFuck you!

— Nikhil Saluja

Are you a cop?- me to every woman I'm about to sleep with.

— Nikhil Saluja

Facebook; married peoples gateway drug to adultery.

— Nikhil Saluja

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

— Nikhil Saluja

Favstar is nothing but parallel universe for twitter.

— Nikhil Saluja

I feel like I'm a cockroach when I'm sleeping on my back trying to get up

— Nikhil Saluja

The worst part about shitting in a public restroom, is when the tip of your dick touches the toilet seat.

— Nikhil Saluja

If God Was A Woman… Men would be intelligent enough to tell the difference between six inches and three inches

— Nikhil Saluja

Beware of a man that does not talk and a dog that does not bark.

— Nikhil Saluja

There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

— Nikhil Saluja

A fun prank to play on your roommate is to not pay rent for 3 months.

— Nikhil Saluja

If God Was A Woman… A man's paycheck would be made payable to his wife

— Nikhil Saluja

Girl's Life Lesson 1: Crying confuses men. They get uncomfortable and will do anything to get it to stop. Take advantage.

— Nikhil Saluja

I was just about to get up and do something useful with my life but then I read a motivational tweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Oh, your account is protected? What do you tweet? Nuclear launch codes?

— Nikhil Saluja

Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops.

— Nikhil Saluja

She watch Titanic for the love story. I watch it for one scene with boobs.

— Nikhil Saluja

Keep her laughing. Keep her smiling. Make your woman glow so her friends notice.

— Nikhil Saluja

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe: Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

— Nikhil Saluja

I start conversations with Hey, I'm fine and I'm sure you're too to save time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Protip: When going down on a girl, always remember that one slip of the tongue and you're in the shit.

— Nikhil Saluja

Failure doesnt mean youve wasted your life¦.. it does mean youve a reason to start afresh!

— Nikhil Saluja

You should never sacrifice three things: your family, your heart, or your dignity.

— Nikhil Saluja

Never lend a book to someone who don't know how to read, never give your heart to someone that don't know how…

— Nikhil Saluja

Leaving hairs on a toilet seat is like a little gift, from one ass to another.

— Nikhil Saluja

Listening to wife is like reading the terms & conditions on the website. You understand nothing still you say I agree...

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, Is only compatible when the man makes a living and his wife makes living worthwhile;

— Nikhil Saluja

If opportunity had a twitter account, it's not going to be knocking on anyone's door anytime soon.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've been in love with the same woman for 10 years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me!

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, A situation which happens when you think almost as much of another as you do of yourself;

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not starting over with someone new, I wanna work it out with who I'm in love with.

— Nikhil Saluja

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

— Nikhil Saluja

Beautician: the official occupation of the 'I wear too much make-up fat girl'.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you can't be the reason behind her smile, at least be the reason she walks funny for a while!

— Nikhil Saluja

If someone doesn't like me, that's fine. It just means one less person I have to be nice to.

— Nikhil Saluja

I feel the tears slowly rolling down my eyes and suddenly the tears wont stop.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm like an onion, I have so many layers. Also people around me seem to cry a lot.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate when I smile at my phone and raise my head and my girlfriend thinks I'm smiling at her.

— Nikhil Saluja