“The window of life is mirrored. And tinted. And shattered. And borrowed.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I believe I believe I can succeed, and this belief is the foundation for my belief.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The mountains are where God proves He’s better than Michelangelo at sculpting.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Like the Grand Canyon, I care deeply. Hop on a donkey and you’ll see how deeply I love you!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve decided I like making love on rainy days. Ever since she asked me to wear a raincoat.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“When I go out to eat at restaurants, I don’t like chains. I prefer whips.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s sad when people want to wear out a perfectly good last name when they don’t have any other pants. Idea for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had sex with a statue a few months ago. The sex was so still that I’m still wearing the condom.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a flashlight. What, still dark? Check the batteries, because they may be dead. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I look in the mirror, I see not only the person I am, but the person I could be. The person… — Jarod Kintz Clean shaven Copy Share Image
“Here is my naked body. Take a long look at what nobody else can look at. And hurry up, before all the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I've never had a one-night stand with anybody over the course of a whole weekend. I've also never had a one-night stand… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The man who pulled my winning raffle ticket out of the hat said I was one lucky guy. I guess he didn’t… — Jarod Kintz Lucky Copy Share Image
“I can’t fly with one wing. But I can’t go hungry either, and I already ate both the legs, the breasts, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you expect others to think for you, then you expect others to live your life for you. And I’m sorry, but… — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“Cats have the curiosity of a genius, while dogs have the intellect of a sack of manure covered in hair and mulch… — Jarod Kintz Best friend Copy Share Image
“There is no other furniture in the room. However, in the center of the room, the floor steps down and a four-foot… — Jarod Kintz Globe Copy Share Image
“Looking at you in a mirror makes you more of an ally than an opponent, because I’m standing next to you, rather… — Jarod Kintz Ally Copy Share Image
“I want to write a book called, "Bonfires and Bras," which follows around a young, braless feminist who struggles to adopt in… — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“Herman is not her man. But neither am I, and I love her more than any man besides Herman. But she doesn’t… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“My mother always told me not to pick my nose, so I’m going let the plastic surgeon decide what my new nose… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to save your marriage. If only your spouse is invited under your blanket, then each party feels… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love says hello, and hate says goodbye. Your mom also says hello.” — Jarod Kintz Goodbye Copy Share Image
“I can read lips. Especially if they have words tattooed on them.” — Jarod Kintz Lips Copy Share Image
“We made love like an earthquake, which was nice because neither one of us had to do any work.” — Jarod Kintz Earthquake Copy Share Image
“I have bumper stickers for my website all over this city. Some are even on bumpers.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“How will I tell her I didn’t like her ginger snap cookies? Gingerly.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to open a wheat/dairy factory. Bread and butter will be my bread and butter.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I belong to a secret order. We all have OCD, so you’d better believe we have order.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“How to arrive unexpectedly and invisibly: show up looking poor, but not homeless.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Shit goes out, and dick goes in. This is the way of the prisoner.” — Jarod Kintz Prison Copy Share Image
“I want to keep a human mouth on my coffee table. It’ll be a great conversation starter.” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“One Jarod’s a lover, and one Jarod’s a fighter. Which Jarod am I? The middle one.” — Jarod Kintz Fighter Copy Share Image
