“My face looks different now that I got the boundaries redrawn by an experienced cartographer.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People are more likely to like you if you treat them with respect and Linseed oil.” — Jarod Kintz Respect Copy Share Image
“You can tell a lot about a man by his shoes, like if he’s barefoot or not.” — Jarod Kintz Barefoot Copy Share Image
“Scars are proof man isn’t perfect, though constantly getting closer.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Candy is full of taste. But so is shit, because taste is full of smell.” — Jarod Kintz Candy Copy Share Image
“I’d rather coin a few words than coin a few quarters, nickels, or dimes.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be placed down on the first step on the path to enlightenment.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to cover my couch. Nobody should see that I constructed my sofa on the bones of my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to swallow up the nightmares you used to have as a kid. Whatever happened to those bad… — Jarod Kintz Bad dream Copy Share Image
“The Mythical Mr. Boo has several eagle feathers, or “Freedom Feathers,” as he likes to call them, that he staples to his… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I must be a great leader because many people follow me. Most of the people are police officers, if that gives you… — Jarod Kintz Great leader Copy Share Image
“With gift giving, if it’s the thought that counts, then a picture of a Mercedes is just as good as an actual… — Jarod Kintz Gift Copy Share Image
“Whenever I see a gorgeous woman, I think, Who is that tall drink of water, and how come I’m suddenly thirsty?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think I just inhaled a cloud shaped like the ghost of my grandpa, and all I have to say is grandma… — Jarod Kintz Smell Copy Share Image
“Do they make chin straps with knives attached? If they do, I need one. You can never have too much safety—especially when… — Jarod Kintz Falling in love Copy Share Image
“One of the side effects of Viagra is blurred vision. Sounds great! When I’m taking a pill to pop a stiffy, how… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“I’m an artist. I’m a cave painter. Archaeologists and art critics of the future are going to call me a genius. They’re… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“I always keep a spare set of keys in a spare set of pants that are folded up and stuffed in my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“At my ten-year high school reunion, I was voted best looking. Of course, there were two people in my high school, and… — Jarod Kintz Graduating class Copy Share Image
“I often find myself in a room full of strangers, and very often it’s a tough crowd. But I’m a master networker,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Today I ate my manuscript with the very spoon I used to write it with. My book was called “Chicken Noodle Soup… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“I am not challenging you to be you, I am challenging you to be you. In the first case, I’d be challenging… — Jarod Kintz Challenge Copy Share Image
“Two one-armed people might seem perfect for each other, but what if they’re both missing the same arm? Then even something simple… — Jarod Kintz Couple Copy Share Image
“A brick could have been used as a father figure in place of my dad when I was growing up, because a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“However, my next-door neighbors had an entirely different manner of eating. When I’d go over there for dinner, it was buffet style,… — Jarod Kintz Eating Copy Share Image
“Where was I last night? I don’t remember myself. I mean I remember me—I didn’t suffer from an out-of-body experience—but I myself… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to represent a thing. Now this thing is curious, because it represents an idea. This idea is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“-Good thing you don’t own a mirror, Mr. Mirrorless, or you’d see how ugly you are. -What makes you think I don’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick is a lot like love. I mean, I’m sure it is. It simply must be. However, I can’t think of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m reminded of Orville Tethington, inventor of the world’s first steam-powered fog machine. He’s also the guy who, after the Germans invented… — Jarod Kintz Happy birthday Copy Share Image
“She was in a coma, and had been unresponsive for years. Every Tuesday I’d visit her and read to her, and as… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
