“A brick could be used to grow your annual income by a factor of four. What, you don’t believe me? Are you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I found a note I wrote that said “Doctor’s Appointment Tomorrow.” Well, that note is wrong, because that appointment was yesterday.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Most people take four years to get a degree. Not me. I’m twice as ambitious. It took me nearly eight years to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I should charge my bank money every time I endorse the back of a check. What is the going rate these days… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“Some people use laughter as a weapon. It's all very funny until someone loses an eye. But then I guess it just… — Jarod Kintz Comedy Copy Share Image
“With the interconnectedness of it all, the world is more fluid than ever. I blame it on the rain. Milli Vanilli was… — Jarod Kintz Interconnectedness Copy Share Image
“I could inject a brick in each of my butt cheeks and then be like ancient Greece: a ruin. Only, I’d ask… — Jarod Kintz Ancient greece Copy Share Image
“A brick could be lodged inside a home to provide comfort, stability, hope, change, and audacity. Oh gosh! Sorry about the last… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life is is, while death is isn’t. Isn’t that also what you believe? Or is it what you believe?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A monster’s not a monster to another monster. At least that’s what I thought when I saw my mother-in-law talking to a… — Jarod Kintz Monster Copy Share Image
“I collect sounds. I store most of them in my ears, but some, like the sneeze, I store in my nose. If… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The people need to know that the people need to know. And I’m just the man to let them know that they… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If jellybeans came in a broader flavor base that included emotions too, I’d avoid the red ones, because they would taste like… — Jarod Kintz Rage Copy Share Image
“Brick and Blanket could be the names of two characters in a screenplay full of witty dialogue like: Brick: Hello! Blanket: Hi!… — Jarod Kintz Movie Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as an American flag. It could keep the world warm with its patronizing patriotism and imperialism. ” — Jarod Kintz American flag Copy Share Image
“The clouds blanketed the city, and the rain sounded like bricks hitting the roof. I hope my cat’s not still sleeping up… — Jarod Kintz Rain Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I feel like this. Sometimes I feel like that. I wish I could be more specific, but that’s how I feel—vague.” — Jarod Kintz Vague Copy Share Image
“Don’t be selfish and keep your thoughts locked in the cage called your skull. Free your mind, release your thoughts into the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am a juxtaposition. And at the same time, I’m not. I’m always like this because I’m not always like this because… — Jarod Kintz Juxtaposition Copy Share Image
“Well excuse me! How was I supposed to know that a pink baseball cap with a dildo glued on top isn’t a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People don’t know what I’ve gone through to get where I’m at—six tunnels and three metal detectors.” — Jarod Kintz Metal detectors Copy Share Image
“If love were a faucet, I’d not only continue, but I’d increase the frequency with which I wash my penis in the… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I can tell you what I wasn’t doing when I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to: I was doing what I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If science took my IQ and spread it evenly among the world's population, like mental mayonnaise, we'd have more art, less war,… — Jarod Kintz Science Copy Share Image
“Business idea: Merge a billiard table with a golf course, and make the pockets as deep as a typical politician's pants.” — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“The first two letters of her name were M and E and I thought, Yes! Finally, a name I can relate to.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Things I’ve learned the hard way: #1) When you’re making a door-to-door sales pitch, make sure your shorts aren’t so short that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I stood in the doorway pondering the difference between naked and nude, and the pizza delivery guy probably wondered if I was… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to aid the lonely. Carry it with you, converse with it, and if you drink enough, you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My grandpa never read the newspaper. Not because he was particularly optimistic, but because he was illiterate. He taught me to read… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Reading a book is like having the ability to dip a straw into the author’s soul and sip and slurp without lowering… — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to spot the blind. I’d spot Helen Keller nine points in a ten-point basketball game. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A man with six fingers on one hand who gets his finger cutoff by the mafia probably doesn’t feel pain, fear, or… — Jarod Kintz Fear Copy Share Image
“If you want to see how fast I run, just give me a football helmet and notice how my helmet collects bug… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be wrapped around people who’ve recently been electrocuted, because I’ll bet it’s really warm under those covers. I’ve always… — Jarod Kintz Marshmallows Copy Share Image
“I want to scrape earwax out of your ears like the last of the chunky peanut butter in a jar. I’d love… — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“My facial features smell as rugged as a rose looks. Isn’t my nose the most romantically smelling thing?” — Jarod Kintz Smell Copy Share Image
“The two spoons were stuck together. Not because they were sticky, but because they were stubborn and clingy and “in love.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Though my skull is the size of a soup bowl, everything in the universe—and more—can fit inside my imagination. And guess what?… — Jarod Kintz Imagination Copy Share Image
