“Experience counts for something. I count with my fingers. I could count on you, but you’ve only got one finger for me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to buy “A Touch of Gray,” because I’d look more distinguished with a touch of gray in my hair. Also,… — Jarod Kintz Gray hair Copy Share Image
“Not only am I thinking about getting a nose job, but I’m also trying to get employment for the rest of my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I would have sex in the backseat of my car, but from back there, how would I be able to hit the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Contribute to No More Lies Dot Org. Every dollar you donate will bring us 75 cents closer to the truth.” — Jarod Kintz Truth Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. I asked you out to coffee, and you said, “No thanks. I’m a recovering insomniac.” I… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“In a blind study conducted by jarodkintz.com, 8 out of 10 people were fans of Helen Keller. 2 out of the 10… — Jarod Kintz Education Copy Share Image
“I talk about talking like I listen to listening—in a room with mirrored walls that makes me appreciate the infinity that is… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to suppress the price of gold. But not for very long, because once the people realize the… — Jarod Kintz Central bank Copy Share Image
“We danced together. We didn’t look graceful, but how could we? She only had one leg and I had my eyes on… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My headboard has bars, like a jail cell. Sometimes I’ll be asleep and think I’m in prison, and I’ll hear my alarm… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think they should combine the Summer and Winter Olympics and call it the Fall Olympics. They could host it in the… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a yes, and a blanket could be a no. Make your life so positive that you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used in conjunction with another brick to be the Democrat and Republican Presidential candidates. People will say, Vote… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Wooden scrabble letters offer a whole forest of literature, tiled down for easy shower installment. If you limit your use to only… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to silence your internal critic. And if you don’t shut him up, I’ll do it for you.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Mr. Williquosi, I didn’t mean to stab you in your gums with your fork. I was merely trying to spoon-feed you information.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m twice as old as she is tall. She’s half my age in height. We have a David and Goliath kind of… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A good day is when the Oscar Meyer hotdogmobile crashes into a truck carrying Heinz ketchup, because who doesn’t like free hotdogs… — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“There were yogurt-colored clouds that afternoon, and I was there, blotting out your sun with a spoon.” — Jarod Kintz Sun Copy Share Image
“If it’s not already written, I want to write a book called, “The Art of Raw.” But instead of using my real… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“There are so many cheeses that I can't keep track of all their names. The dairy farmers should simplify things and name… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to silence your critics. Think of it like a really thick and unchewy piece of chewing gum. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a bathtub tarp, keeping all the body’s heat in, and the police’s and murder victim’s wife’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make music like I make love—in a group. OK, so I’m not in a band, and I sing alone in the… — Jarod Kintz Music Copy Share Image
“Nobody is mysteriously mysterious. To be mysterious all it takes is hard work, misdirection, and a fog machine.” — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a mule. Sure, you could argue it’d be better used as a donkey, but I’d counter… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what… — Jarod Kintz Loser Copy Share Image
“Love is like breakfast with Mildred. Who’s Mildred? How the heck should I know? I don’t eat breakfast.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I often feel like a camel in the mountains, and a goat in the desert. Ah, but that’s life, no?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I asked the girl at the coffee shop out on a date. Unfortunately she said no, probably because I asked her out… — Jarod Kintz Coffee shop Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to mimic the mating call of my crumpled-up clone. Isn’t silence seductive? ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I didn’t have enough money to tip the waitress, so I offered to take her out on a date, provided she paid… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“-I’m looking for a man— -There are several suspects in Topeka, Ks. that match that description. Why don’t you try there first?” — Jarod Kintz Looking for a man Copy Share Image
“Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just… — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“There are certain books in the history of the world that should never have been written. This book makes all those look… — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“Tomorrow is promised to no man, though I’m under the impression I have an earthly meeting with God on the day after… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A love like mine is rare. So is the steak I just sent back to the kitchen. But you’d damn well better… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to tell the time. If you can see it it’s daytime, and if you can’t see it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I asked possible witnesses about the invisible man shaped like a whisper, and nobody saw or heard anything. Which means he was… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
