“I hear what you say in what you don’t say, you see, because I’m a Helen Keller kind of communicator. Love is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Do I see value? My gut says no, but I’m willing to bet on things that may pay off big if I’m… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It's easy to say I love you, but much harder to show it. Be bold. Be in love—and show it. Love is… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Does my face not look hungry? My mouth is the path and mouthpiece to my stomach, so I’d believe what I’m telling… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I were the King’s official mapmaker, I’d also be the second largest landholder (after the King, of course). Would I own… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I mopped up my moped off the street, and drove home on the unicycle below my handlebar mustache, while I thought about… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I named my car Itch, not because it’s all scratched up, though it is, but because it got under my skin without… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Today I am doing better than yesterday, and tomorrow I hope to be doing better than I am today. And two days… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can see why they say golf is an expensive sport to play. If you have to drop a nickel on the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I lit my loneliness on fire like it was a cigarette. But I didn’t smoke it, because that would have required me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I'm the only person I know who has slept through a fire drill. Apparently, I pulled the alarm. Yeah, I sleepwalk. Sometimes… — Jarod Kintz Boston marathon Copy Share Image
“It’s supposed to be raining Thank Yous on Thursday, after an ingratitude draught. Also, you’d better enjoy my love while it’s fresh,… — Jarod Kintz Gratitude Copy Share Image
“We fell in love like the Fourth of July. But there was nothing red, white, and blue about it, because we fell… — Jarod Kintz July Copy Share Image
“She took off her red pants, the shade of ketchup, to reveal softly tanned legs, like two French fries. But when she… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The tire left a skid mark on the road that looked like a mustache. So I shaved it off the pavement, stuffed… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When you are the designated buyer, ask for more money than the item costs, so when you spend less people will be… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Love happens to some people, sometimes. Other times other stuff happens to other people. I’m a person like those people.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“The birds bark my name, and I meow theirs in return. I may be a bit mixed up about life, but not… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“Love is a bridge between your future and mine. A bridge constructed entirely out of trust, honesty, and in our case, wooden… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A lot of people like wife swapping. I've got such a great wife I would only swap with a Mormon. It'd have… — Jarod Kintz Marriage Copy Share Image
“The crowd was patriotic, and they were chanting “USA, USA.” Of course, the crowd was also dyslexic out at the state university… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m as deadly as a marine, when compared to marine plant life. It took lots of water, sunlight, and standing still to… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be considered part of performance art, if you’re inconsiderate and steal all the covers while we’re asleep—and film me… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“I don’t like salad dressing. I prefer salad undressing. I’m a health freak. And I do mean freak.” — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“A banker is a man who will lend you the short sleeve shirt off his back and demand a long sleeve one… — Jarod Kintz Banker Copy Share Image
“I saw a baby make a boom-boom in his diaper, and I thought, I’d never have suspected him of being a terrorist.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve got a piece of the American Dream. I don’t have a house, but I do have a new chandelier. Now I… — Jarod Kintz American dream Copy Share Image
“When your family dies, that’s a bummer, but that’s life. When my family dies, it’s a tragedy and the world is unbalanced… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out… — Jarod Kintz Logic Copy Share Image
“I hate the smell of success, because most of the time it smells like sweat. Maybe that’s why I’m poor, because every… — Jarod Kintz Smell Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to enslave humanity. No wait, a brick can’t do that—but the Masons can. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The task may be simple for me, but if I make it look too easy, you won’t appreciate it as much as… — Jarod Kintz Struggle Copy Share Image
“The lunchmeat fell on the floor, and I didn’t know what to do, so I wiped it off on the bottom of… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“Sometimes writing is easy. Other times it’s as hard as trying to eat a whole whale, after the whale has just eaten… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to battle the cold, but not battle an army with swords, bayonets, and other sharp objects (unless… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We had sex by the fireplace. I remember because my waxy nipples started dripping on the carpet.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to balance work and play. Just place the brick on the top of your head, and don’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a cat. Wait, I have that backwards. A cat could be used as a blanket. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I swam in the neighborhood peel. I mean pool. I guess I threw that pee in there because the swimming experience left… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She said, “You disgust me. How do you live with yourself?” So I said, “Like I live with my clone: with many… — Jarod Kintz Flattery Copy Share Image
