“A blanket could be used to wipe away my tears. But it’d better be a blanket the size of America, because I’ve… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to settle disputes. Hold my penis while I demonstrate how it would work. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My advice is to write in the nude. Unless you do your writing in a public restroom, and in that case, I’d… — Jarod Kintz Flip flops Copy Share Image
“If a billowy white cloud exploded, that’d be close to what my love looks like. The only difference is my love has… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“People always say I have hands as large as the Roman Empire. I guess it just goes with the territory. Romance, it’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On Knowledge: You know that I know you know, but I want you to know that I know you know I know… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to prop open the door to my heart. But you might not want to leave the Love… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to help me with the love and affection of Taylor Swift. If that sounds unbelievable, then try… — Jarod Kintz Affection Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help you become an Olympic swimmer. Tie the brick around your legs and have a friend… — Jarod Kintz Friendship Copy Share Image
“I like to use my influence for good, rather than evil. And in this case, the good is a free meal at… — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“There are billions of conversations happening every second, and it’s too bad I can’t listen to more than about half of them… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You may scoff and say I only make ten dollars an hour, but if at the end of an eight hour shift… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“We all want somebody to share our life and love with. But if there are an odd number of people on the… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You sold canned laughter, and I sold fresh laughter, straight out of my throat. You sold… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“People remember a smile more readily than a name. That’s why for branding purposes, I created my logo so that it features… — Jarod Kintz Branding Copy Share Image
“If someone is playing on my fear, the natural tendency for a person is to throw all their energy and focus into… — Jarod Kintz Fear Copy Share Image
“I saw my hero. He was standing at the urinal next to mine. I didn’t know what to say, so I said,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sell canoes to those who are enduring a drought, and sell sunscreen to those suffering from flooding. But give love freely to… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then when the manager tells me… — Jarod Kintz Management Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a substitute for the steak my mother-in-law just cooked me. And I asked for medium rare.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d rather own something that’s worth millions to nobody, than something that’s worth nothing to millions.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to tell you I love you. You know I do. And I’m not just saying that because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“An author named Arthur Arthurson would write about art, love, and road kill in Kenya. And I’d read him because I’m a… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“I’m so silent I can hardly hear myself think. But that’s why I bought the scissors and the condom.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a trophy at your company’s annual award ceremony. It’s a way to save money while making… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to sell a blanket, in a buy one get one free situation. It doesn’t matter if it’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A smile is like a simile, if you have a mouth like a metaphor. That would make for like the best kiss… — Jarod Kintz Kiss Copy Share Image
“Why send roses? Wouldn’t it be more romantic to deliver a dozen orgasms? For only $19.95, I’ll deliver them to your woman… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I know sex sells. I also know gametes are sex cells. Her and I had chemistry together, and that’s just biology.” — Jarod Kintz Sex sells Copy Share Image
“Everything I learned in school, mixed together with water and chicken broth, isn’t worth the soup served at a soup kitchen. I… — Jarod Kintz Education Copy Share Image
“The first door in the hall leads to youth, the second door leads to middle age, and the third door leads to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break),… — Jarod Kintz Forgetting Copy Share Image
“I don’t know the man standing next to me in the mirror. He looks like me, so is he my clone? He… — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“After about eight hours, I lose my focus and all of the sudden I find myself not being able to sleep at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have thin lips, like two rose petals on top of each other, and I would say I have a Roman nose,… — Jarod Kintz Latin Copy Share Image
“Let the best of your competition take out the rest of your competition, while you rest and then take out only that… — Jarod Kintz Competition Copy Share Image
“When push comes to shove, I’m going to figure out that this door needs to be pulled to be opened.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Some people work in the medical field, others in the legal field, while I work in the green field. Except in winter,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There should be a language called Nail, so I could more naturally say, “My nail is a bit rusty.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I cling to our love like saran wrap on leftovers. If you want to know when dinner will be ready, the answer… — Jarod Kintz Dinner Copy Share Image
