“A blanket could be used to cover the engine of a car, much like a hood does, only the blanket would help… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Things to do in an elevator: Install a glass display, like in a museum, over the floor buttons and have a sign… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My shirt and pants should match my in-laws’ wallpaper, so like a chameleon I can be both there and not there at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d rate myself five stars, and those stars would all be fish. My review was of how well I walked on the… — Jarod Kintz Astronomy Copy Share Image
“I did what I did for my clone, not for my own personal gain. It wasn’t right that he asked it of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to start a company called “We Do.” My tagline will be: We at We Do do what we do so… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“Of all the pessimistic people, I am the most optimistic. I look forward to looking down on all the people looking up… — Jarod Kintz Hope Copy Share Image
“In high school I barely made the rodeo team. But I wasn’t good enough to start, so I just rode the bench.” — Jarod Kintz Good enough Copy Share Image
“Too many people talk about the weather, and not enough people talk about agriculture. When somebody says to me, "Beautiful weather we're… — Jarod Kintz Agriculture Copy Share Image
“I’m growing out my baldness, and a mustache. Combined with spectacles (glasses), I’ll be a spectacle. I’ll proudly wear my absurdity like… — Jarod Kintz Fashion Copy Share Image
“I want a driveway so long you couldn’t see the end of it even if you were 26.1 miles into running a… — Jarod Kintz Race Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to say hello in a foreign language. Like most great words, it’d also have synonyms. One such… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I ever see an alien fishing in Scotland, and witness it catching the Loch Ness Monster, I’d probably assume the world… — Jarod Kintz Alien Copy Share Image
“Renaldina told Renaldo and Renaldo told me, so that’s two points for possible miscommunication, especially when you consider that she’s deaf and… — Jarod Kintz Travel Copy Share Image
“I’m a Pisces, and people say that Pisces make the best the best lovers. That’s because Pisces are fish, and it’s like… — Jarod Kintz Astrology Copy Share Image
“A magician who could make the audience’s problems disappear—now that’s someone I’d pay to throw tomatoes at. If I didn’t have any… — Jarod Kintz Magic Copy Share Image
“I can read people like an open book, especially if their named Braille, and I’m in a touchy-feely mood.” — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“I’m on a shoestring budget, which means I don’t have any extra money to buy the surrounding shoes to even lace up.” — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“To say that I grew up without parents is a lie, because I haven’t grown up yet. Also, all six of my… — Jarod Kintz Parenting Copy Share Image
“If you asked me to mow your lawn, I’d say sure—just as soon as you move your lawn directly above mine.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t collect awards, I collect empty trophy cases. Once my collection is large enough, I’m going to start collecting broken dreams.” — Jarod Kintz Broken dreams Copy Share Image
“Dark Jar Tin Zoo’s face is sallow, his cheeks sunk in, and he looks like Edvard Munch’s “The Scream,” only less colorful.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I would hate to see seventeen people with monosyllabic names like Mike or Ann die, but if they did, and you wrote… — Jarod Kintz Haiku Copy Share Image
“This morning I ate a hamburger for breakfast, and then wept like a baby into an open jar of mayonnaise. I guess… — Jarod Kintz Morning Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a blanket, if you’re a roach or politician. Warmth can be so crushing at times. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I often wear camouflaged pants so when I walk I look like a floating torso. I love with the same air of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“An invisible wall of super condensed jelly would make a great shield to stop bullets and sarcasm.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you’re tired of taking one step forward and two steps back, just turn around. That way you’ll be going forward in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I plan on leaving my mark on this world, in ink, with a pen spill that’ll make all the oil spills combined… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“If love came in a cardboard tube, I’d probably send it priority mail. But I’d make you pay for shipping.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: If we were to kiss passionately for 30 minutes, would you refill my oxygen tank in the process?” — Jarod Kintz Kiss Copy Share Image
“What do I do for fun? Well, I’d love to get into the bank robbing business, but government work is not for… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“I can take care of myself, but I can’t take care of myself and a child. I’ve decided to give myself up… — Jarod Kintz Adoption Copy Share Image
“William Penn would be a great pen name. But for love letters to manicured lawns, trees, and benches, the best name would… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“If my name were Theodore Tiffany, my goal in life would be to meet and marry a woman named Tiffany Theodore. I… — Jarod Kintz Goals Copy Share Image
“My plan to live from 65 to forever is to simply keep showing up. I also don’t want to retire at the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“While all men want to be free, some want to be free to think what they want, and other men want to… — Jarod Kintz Free thought Copy Share Image
“I’m wise when it comes to your issues, and a fool when it comes to mine. Emotion is the blindfold we cannot… — Jarod Kintz Emotion Copy Share Image
“I would never date Austin. Not that it’s gay, but it’s simply too densely populated for a relationship.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I go to networking events because what else am I going to do? I’ve already finished my daily planning for how to… — Jarod Kintz Networking Copy Share Image
