Jokes Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 7

If someone stole your tweet just write 50 more tweets or have them murdered. Simple.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies, you are delusional if you think you can give me a hand job better than I can.

— Nikhil Saluja

Fancy restaurant: The only restaurant that serves you cold soup on purpose.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't Take It Seriously * When the HAIRDRESSER says, Do you want it teased or blown?

— Nikhil Saluja

I scream, you scream, both of us scream because we are being murdered while eating ice cream.

— Nikhil Saluja

I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

— Nikhil Saluja

A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just need a search engine that'll remember exactly what I was about to Google when I forget.

— Nikhil Saluja

Now, Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.

— Nikhil Saluja

Bingo! I love that game, but I can't remember what to say when you win.

— Nikhil Saluja

Gasp Reflex : The reaction of a new father when he sees the new mother's breasts.

— Nikhil Saluja

Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food.

— Nikhil Saluja

For all my haters, I just want you to know that there's no medicine for insecurities so better commit suicide!

— Nikhil Saluja

In some countries being president is just an honorary position --like being a husband in Hollywood.

— Nikhil Saluja

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

— Nikhil Saluja

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. -- On your lips, color to enhance your beauty. On his collar, color only a tramp would wear!

— Nikhil Saluja

It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.

— Nikhil Saluja

School: An institute where the child goes to play while the parent goes to pay.

— Nikhil Saluja

There is nothing like love in this world unless you experience it.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies, Don't worry - if you haven't found the man of your dreams yet, there's always a vibrator.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't Take It Seriously * When the HUNTER says, Goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots

— Nikhil Saluja

No matter how bad your day is going, just remember that somewhere in the world someone just got a pubic hair in…

— Nikhil Saluja

What a beautiful day to walk around my city, staring at my phone.

— Nikhil Saluja

The only thing I have learned in thirty years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.

— Nikhil Saluja

NASCAR : The most exciting sport for people who have never seen a fucking freeway.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's hard for me to say I love you because the word you isn't beer or sex or football.

— Nikhil Saluja

When getting divorced remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

— Nikhil Saluja

My Girlfriend just said that I should stop acting like an year old. I almost choked on her boobs.

— Nikhil Saluja

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

— Nikhil Saluja

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel: Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice; takes care of business.

— Nikhil Saluja

Did you hear about the new reversible jackets? I can't wait to see how they turn out.

— Nikhil Saluja

When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

— Nikhil Saluja

I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.

— Nikhil Saluja

Instagram and nightclubs are where ugly people go to trick people into thinking they're hot.

— Nikhil Saluja

Doctor: A person who kills your disease with pills and you with bills.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I'll see a girl jogging that's so sexy, I'll jog directly behind her ass until she gets home.

— Nikhil Saluja

Yesterday, I came home early from work and found my Girlfriend cheating. The lazy bitch has hired a maid for cooking.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just killed a spider and there's blood everywhere because the spider was on my wife's face. I'm a murderer, guys.

— Nikhil Saluja

My best friend told me about a great 80's porn site. I fucking hope he meant the 1980's.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl gives you breakfast in bed. The woman gives you breakfast and head.

— Nikhil Saluja