Just saw a homeless guy buy a cup of coffee, drink it, then use the cup to beg and make his money… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Why do porn stars tweet pics of their kids? Factory workers don't tweet pics of their on-the-job accidents .. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
They say women love surprises but come out from under her bed yelling surprise! & you get arrested & sent to prison. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
You didn't catch me cheating. I'm a masseuse, my tongue was just giving her tongue a massage. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
You know whats better than watching a beautiful woman get dressed...laughing at what she is wearing — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Drugs and alcohol are never the answer. Unless someone asked me, What are you doing this weekend? — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Four miracles of womanhood: getting wet without taking a shower; bleeding without getting hurt; giving milk without eating grass; and making boneless… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
When my tweet doesn't get RTed I whisper I don't care what they say. I'm in love with you & kiss the… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
The biggest mistake to most people Listen to half of the conversation Understand the quarter Speak all the time.. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
They say Dont' drink and drive . Well … Yesterday I was drinking a Juice box While riding my Tricycle . Yeah . Im a Badass !!! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Go to a park with shades on and a hoodie, wait until someone asks you which kid is yours and say I… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
You must stop looking for a reason to call someone a fool...all you need is a mouth! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Ladies call me Subway because I've got low-quality meat and lie about being six inches! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I respect a woman's decision to undergo plastic surgery to go from being ugly to being ugly & disgusting. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I hope I live to be 100 if only just to mess with people by telling them fake reasons why I lived… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Even when it's not the best of days, you can always tell yourself, hey, at least I'm not the person who sank… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Ladies, there's always going to be that one girl who's prettier than you, but you've just got to find that one guy… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I accused my friend of being gay yesterday... He was so angry he hit me with his purse! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Ask a SUCCESSFUL person HOW TO FINISH… But always, Ask an EXPERIENCED person HOW TO START — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I have enough money to Live comfortably for the rest of my life…...If I die next Tuesday. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators...All I wanted was to complete the circle… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
With all the bullshit in my life lately, I'm surprised I can't fertilize a nice flower garden in my back yard! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
On the Internet, you can choose to be whoever you want. I don't understand why so many people choose to be stupid… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Many people dying from natural causes. Forget Aids and Cancer, we need a cure for natural causes. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Whenever I kill a spider in my house I leave it's guts smeared on the wall to let all the other spider… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
A girl who loves you for who you are is priceless. for all other girls, there is master card! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
You know you deserve someone better when the one youve always fought for is also the one youve always cried for. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
The shortest scary story ever: The last man on Earth sat in a room. There was a knock at the door. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Caring for someone is easy but to make someone care for you is difficult¦ So never lose the one who really cares… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
The problem is that as much as I cant force you to love me, I cant force myself to stop loving you. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
It's difficult for me to tell whether girls like me for who I am as a person. Damn my incredibly massive penis. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a shitload of beer and tacos and that's close enough. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Apparently kicking my friend in the chest & yelling THIS IS SPARTA! is not an appropriate response to what do you feel… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
When you fall in love, you want the world to know it, but you dont want to admit it. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
My wife's mad at me again. She wanted to make a sex video last night and all I did was suggest we… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
They should really replace, I now pronounce you man and wife with FINISH HIM!! (mortal combat music blasting) — Green Monk Copy Share Image
If it takes you more than an hour to get ready,… you probably aren't as cute as you think you are — Green Monk Copy Share Image
There are two types of people in this world: 1)People who tried to move an object with their mind at least once… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Women fake headaches to get out of having sex with their man, and men fake not being married to have sex with a woman. — Green Monk Copy Share
I've been told by so many women that I'm a great listener. A majority of them, have big boobs. — Green Monk Copy Share
Scientists have found that women share the same dna as prawns.. Their heads are full of shit but their pink bits taste amazing! — Green Monk Copy Share
When someone is mad and asks you Do I look stupid? Don't answer them just stare curiously at them — Green Monk Copy Share
You may love a girl very deeply... But u CANNOT express it more deeper than... 5, 6 or 7 inches... — Green Monk Copy Share
Note To Females: You cant blame the entire male genre just because you were attracted to some assholes. — Green Monk Copy Share
That awkward moment when you can't understand what someone has said even though they have repeated it four times — Green Monk Copy Share
Life should come with a remote. There are so many moments I'd give up my life for to pause, fast-forward, and rewind. — Green Monk Copy Share
I wish Twitter would notify me when someone UN-followed me, that way I could go star it. — Green Monk Copy Share
I like those Birthday reminders on Facebook because occasionally they remind me of the friends I need to Delete. — Green Monk Copy Share
