There we go, that's it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk.… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
This was my attempt to deter cold callers: "There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
It's true. Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Stupid National Anthem... Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but… — Bill Bailey Copy Share
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
I did a show in this tiny town called Longyearbyen. We went snowmobiling around Svalbard and saw Arctic foxes, snow bunting, polar bear footprints… — Bill Bailey Copy Share
Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
There is something very poignant about plastic bags. These lonely plastic bags that gradually disintegrate. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment… — Bill Bailey Copy Share
I am pretty laid-back as a parent, but I do like a lot of activity. So I am constantly suggesting things to do that… — Bill Bailey Copy Share
I don't think any comic could say there isn't a bit of them that doesn't want to show off. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
You spend a lot more time on your own as an only child. And there's space to allow your imagination to take flight. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
My mother was a classic matriarchal figure. She'd sing round the house and always had music on. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
