Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!! — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Doing comedy around the world is a way of finding out how people tick. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
As a comedian and satirist you have to be neutral, because everyone's fair game. Once you show bias, you lose that. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
My comedy comes from the actual music itself - they're observational musical gags. I could take the music away and it would… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Three women walk into a pub and say, 'Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format' — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
It's true. Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Comedy is an indoors thing, so I take every opportunity to go outside. A lot of that involves finding places that are… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
The point with me is that it's always been, even with the stand-up, that the music has to be right. You have… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Normally, with stand-up, it's quite solitary, you write the material on your own, you perform it on your own, it's all very… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Comedy can be quite all consuming at times, and if you're not careful you end up doing a tour, then a DVD,… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
My first job was selling doors, door to door. That's a tough job isn't it? Bing Bong; Hello, can I interest you… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Twenty-two years I've been doing this comedy lark, so it's been like a meteoric rise to fame... if the meteor was being… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Joke number 1, I have a bit of a problem with jokes, bit of a handicap for a comedian obviously, um, I… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
The two worst enemies of comedy are lack of sleep and not having had a decent meal. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Now, with the success of musical comedy like the Mighty Boosh, Flight of the Conchords and Bo Burnham, I feel vindicated. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
All kinds of things have gone into my shows - cajun and rock bands, Bollywood, Kraftwerk tributes, effects and so on. As… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
It's a lovely moment when everyone's part of something greater than the sum of its parts. That encapsulates what a comedy gig… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but… — Bill Bailey Copy Share
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
I did a show in this tiny town called Longyearbyen. We went snowmobiling around Svalbard and saw Arctic foxes, snow bunting, polar bear footprints… — Bill Bailey Copy Share
Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
There is something very poignant about plastic bags. These lonely plastic bags that gradually disintegrate. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment… — Bill Bailey Copy Share
I am pretty laid-back as a parent, but I do like a lot of activity. So I am constantly suggesting things to do that… — Bill Bailey Copy Share
I don't think any comic could say there isn't a bit of them that doesn't want to show off. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
You spend a lot more time on your own as an only child. And there's space to allow your imagination to take flight. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
My mother was a classic matriarchal figure. She'd sing round the house and always had music on. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
