Whats a male chauvinist pig? A guy who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate it when I accidentally use a instead of a and it makesthe whole conversation sexual — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Thanks to the catastrophic greenhouse effect, Labor Day no longer signifies the end of summer. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The disintegration of your marriage has greatly improved my social life. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm never afraid to try something if I think it's funny. And I know I'll regret it if I don't. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Girls Sleep over: Expectation: PILLOW FIGHT!!! Reality: Pass the Doritos Beeotch — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The reason why we have two ears and only one mouth is that we may listen the more and talk the less. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My 'check engine' light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I never force you to love me ... I never flirt with someone to make you angry ... I never want you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when someone says you two should go out, when you actually do like the person, and the person you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If anyone needs a friend, there's 100 steps between us, I'll take the first steps :) ... you can take 99, I'm pretty lazy. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
People be drop outta school, get a job at McDonald's, and be all like I'm grinding ...On my grind ...yeah Grind me… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Just thought I'd let you know I've been diagnosed with awesomeness. You might want to get checked, but I doubt you caught… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Let's celebrate our country's birthday with a lavish display of fireworks we can't afford because of our country's disastrous economy. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Seriously I dont know when exactly the ufo landed and dumped all these stupid people but they apparently arent coming back for… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Guys are like yellow Starbursts, they look good from the outside but when you get a little deeper, they make you want… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Robert Pattinson must be the only guy in the world who enjoys his girlfriend being on her period. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That moment when you lose all respect for that person you use to like... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sorry Boss's Day is awkward since you are, were, or should be screwing your boss. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm still waiting for the, 'Once you go black, you never go back.' episode on Mythbusters. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That magic moment when Everyone becomes your best friend because you brought gum — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Please join me at the beach to help detract attention from my body abnormalities. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Laughter is the best medicine. But if you're laughing without any reason, you need medicine. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why don't Jehovah's Witnesses like Halloween? Because they cant handle the competition. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't know what's more awkward.. Answering Dora.. Or her staring at you while you sit in silence.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that Im typing this with my middle finger. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you have something stupid to say, please raise your hand and put it firmly over your mouth! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Admit it, we've all tried to accomplish as much as possible before the microwave stops. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
In about 20 years, the hardest thing our kids will have to do is find a username that is not taken. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you name your child 'Christian' only for him to grow up to be an atheist. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate it when ugly people say I need my beauty sleep. Bitch, you need to hibernate. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
They're funny things, Accidents. You never have them till you're having them. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hey I just met you, and girl you look crazy, what brands your make-up, Crayola maybe? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
