If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You call me 3 times, I ignore it.*Unknown call* Who the f*ck you trying to making fool — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I truly believe your associate's degree will help you get a better shitty job. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sorry having lesbian moms means you have to buy two Mother's Day presents. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I miss slamming my phone shut when I got off a call mad, not poking my screen in an angry rage… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Ladies admit it.. When you like a guy, every other girl that talks to him is considered a slut . — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I was trying to hold on but you were trying to let go. But know this; once you let me go, I… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I love you guys , you's are like my second family &' honestly mean the world to me if it wasn't for… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate when a guy looks at me and I cant tell if hes thinking I'm cute or if hes thinking, 'How… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm not addicted to twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The three phrases that'll get you through life: 1: Cover for me. 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! 3: It was like that… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Women are like a computer virus... they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer your money, edit your mind, download their problems,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Gilrs get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I did it on my bed.. I did it on the couch.. I did it in the car... Texting is such an… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people actually think you are stupid. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Funny how the people who know you the least have the most to say about you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The older you get, the harder it is to find someone willing to share a horse costume with you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Black and Mexican jokes are all the same. Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This just isn't my day. it could be raining titties then I could get hit in the head with a dick. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Teacher: Where the hell is your math homework? Me: It committed suicide, had too many problems! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Thanks for buying an item off our wedding registry that wasn't put there by my spouse. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Internet users, One day you will really regret not reading me. Sincerely, Terms and Conditions. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What the fuck I look like stressing over friends? I got family I walk pass and don't even speak to. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
