Funny Quotes by Anonymous · Page 81

I hope you are as ready to confuse our sexual chemistry for love as I am.

— Anonymous

According to Wikipedia, the longer your Starbuck's drink order, the less of a man you are.

— Anonymous

Friend: "I wasn't even that drunk !" Me: "Dude...you asked your girlfriend if she was single."

— Anonymous

Life ... is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.

— Anonymous

Your 13 , you should be picking flower's not baby name's*

— Anonymous

I see that you retweeted my tweet...I accept your invitation for sex.

— Anonymous

And the end and the beginning where always there, before the beginning and after the end.

— Anonymous

I'd love to watch an episode of How I Met Your Mother without you pointing out Neil Patrick Harris is gay.

— Anonymous

That awkward moment when your parents tell you to stay in the line when you're shopping, and when you're almost near the…

— Anonymous

Sound, sound the clarion, fill the fife, Throughout the sensual world proclaim, One crowded hour of glorious life, Is worth an age…

— Anonymous

They created a robot because it can work consistently. If you're looking for a consistent partner, you know what you need

— Anonymous

When in a relationship;It í's not about the labels of becoming official.It's about getting to knowsomeone well enough to develop genuine feeling…

— Anonymous

Me: I'm so tired I could collaspe into bed and sleep for a year.. Me: gets in bed Me: how was earth…

— Anonymous

Labor Day is a fitting tribute to the contributions of American workers in industries other than those that recently destroyed America.

— Anonymous

I'm shocked by how many young people get their news from The Daily Show and proud to say I get mine from…

— Anonymous

A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine, except that on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk.

— Anonymous

My friends are the kind that'd be hitting on firemen when the house is burning down.

— Anonymous

Never ever get into fights with ugly people. They have literally and figuratively nothing to lose!

— Anonymous

Happy Bastille Day to someone pretentious enough to know what the fuck that is.

— Anonymous

Valentine's Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.

— Anonymous

Success, it's like a fart. Only bothers people when it's not their own.

— Anonymous

You like sleeping? Me too! We should do it together sometime.

— Anonymous

When I say I miss school, I mean the friends and the fun. Not the school.

— Anonymous

You do serve at least one useful purpose in life, as a horrible example.

— Anonymous

I wish my phone never ran out of battery and my fridge never ran out of food.

— Anonymous

I have decided to leave my past behind, so if I owe you money, I'm SORRY, but I've moved on.

— Anonymous

Baby you light up my world like nobody else I whisper as I turn my laptop brightness up.

— Anonymous

Monday makes me angrier than Chris Brown is every moment of every day.

— Anonymous

Life's funny because u can live it with or without certain people ¥

— Anonymous

Congratulations on marrying the next person you dated after me.

— Anonymous

Its alright to let yourself go, as long as you can bring yourself back.

— Anonymous

It's adorable when sleep tries to compete with Facebook.

— Anonymous

So if you go to jail for contempt, is that considered billable hours?

— Anonymous

Thanks for getting divorced and adding to the statistical evidence I use as an excuse to avoid marriage.

— Anonymous

What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.

— Anonymous

Flirting is the art of making a man feel pleased with himself.

— Anonymous

That awkward moment when you tell a kid hi and they just stare at you

— Anonymous

Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?

— Anonymous

Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so near to Monday?

— Anonymous

That hilarious moment when someone tips the waiter with THIS!! Thanks!!!

— Anonymous