Funny Quotes by Anonymous · Page 62

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

— Anonymous

Prostitutes are way better than marriage. Why buy a whole cow, when you only want a glass of milk?

— Anonymous

You can talk behind my back allyou want. You'd never have the balls to say it to my face.

— Anonymous

Without my drivers license, youll just have to believe the age I tell you.

— Anonymous

I wish America was doing half as well as Captain America.

— Anonymous

When someone makes fun of your favorite celeb, you automatically defend them without even realizing it.

— Anonymous

Let's pretend we're having as much holiday fun as Christians...

— Anonymous

That Moment When You're Having One Of The Moments You See In Romance Movies.

— Anonymous

I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind…

— Anonymous

This really smart kid at my school got a 291 on a computer math test, and he's upset. while I'm over here…

— Anonymous

I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn't really a date date. We just ate dinner and…

— Anonymous

My friend thinks he's so smart, he said onions are the only food that make you cry. so I through a coconut…

— Anonymous

Cop pulls man over for suspicion of drunk driving. Cop: Sir have you been drinking? Man: No. Cop: Papers. Man: Scissors, I…

— Anonymous

Given the amount of food I plan to gorge on this year, I'm not confident in the integrity of this chair's construction.

— Anonymous

I hope my anus and genitals roasting in 95-degree weather all day doesn't turn you off from giving me oral sex tonight.

— Anonymous

When I'm reading a book and someone asks me what I'm reading, I don't answer. I just raise book up, so they…

— Anonymous

Labor Day is a great opportunity to reflect on what you failed to accomplish this summer.

— Anonymous

I hope you get into all the classes you're planning to drop when they require too much work.

— Anonymous

Thanks for helping me resolve the childhood issues you caused.

— Anonymous

My insomnia is so bad that even when I do sleep I dream about lying awake.

— Anonymous

Happy Thanksgiving to someone I'd have no problem stomping to death on Black Friday.

— Anonymous

If you're funny; if theres something that makes you laugh, then every days going to be OK.

— Anonymous

OH YES, I GET IT! *Teacher walks away* Dude, I still don't get it

— Anonymous

I hate how when I read in my head I sound like a pro, but when I read out loud I sound…

— Anonymous

Sorry you're old enough to fear seeing Facebook photos of your friends in bathing suits.

— Anonymous

The next best thing to quitting my job is fantasizing about quitting my job.

— Anonymous

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting biggerthen it hit me.

— Anonymous

Sorry your boss is an asshole like everyone else's on earth.

— Anonymous

I couldn't help noticing what a great tan and strong likelihood of skin cancer you have.

— Anonymous

When karma finally hits you in the face, I will be there, just incase it needs some help.

— Anonymous

Come on... I'm just a fruit.. what else do you think of me?? - BANANA (o.O)

— Anonymous

Telling your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson..

— Anonymous

What am I listening to? -A playlist that consists of Justin Bieber and One Direction.(:

— Anonymous

Cats are better than any vice. They're not fattening, dangerous, or expensive. However, they can be addictive.

— Anonymous

I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. That solves that problem.

— Anonymous

Christmas is a time of year to sleep in, pig out, and get fat. Not to "bang everybody"

— Anonymous

That awkward moment when your dad thinks that every boy you talk to is your boyfriend.

— Anonymous

You know your talented when you can untangle your headphones in the dark.

— Anonymous

At least you're as thin as the college rejection letters you're receiving.

— Anonymous

Please feel free to call me if your marriage falls apart.

— Anonymous