Doors Quote by Steven Wright

“I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open.”

Steven Wright

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 3.5 out of 5 (9 ratings)

Doors Electric Front door Front doors Fronts Funny Home House Humor Left Light Moved Porch

More by Steven Wright

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Steven Wright

Image

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she…

Steven Wright

Image

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked,…

Steven Wright

Image

If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.

Steven Wright

Image

Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances.

Steven Wright

Image

I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.

Steven Wright

Image

It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The…

Steven Wright

Image

I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I…

Steven Wright

Image

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby…

Steven Wright

Image

“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”

Steven Wright

Image

When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say…

Steven Wright

Image

I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.

Steven Wright

Image

Explore all 564 Steven Wright quotes

More Doors quotes

I need a bath." He chuckled. "You smell of smoke, as do I." The duke turned, leaning heavily on his cane. "Jameson, open the carriage door. We shall return to the house." Beth smiled up at Christian. "Shall we adjourn to the house to get some ointment for your hands and a bath, my love?" His eyes lit. "A bath?"…

Karen Hawkins

When you have counted eighty years and more, Time and Fate will batter at your door; But if you should survive to be a…

Khushwant Singh

Image

“The universe contains any amount of horrible ways to be woken up, such as the noise of the mob breaking down the front door, the scream of fire engines, or the realization that today is the Monday which on Friday night was a comfortably long way off. A dog's wet nose is not strictly speaking the worst of the bunch,…

Terry Pratchett

We can't love a place or a person if we always have one foot out the door.

Eric Weiner

Image

I haven't shut any doors, and I'm really open to anything, so I think it's just about the material and what is going to…

Danielle Panabaker

Image

There are times when we can feel destiny close around us like a fist around a doorknob. Sure, we can resist. But a knob that won't turn, a door that sticks and never budges, is a nuisance to the gods. The gods may kick in the jamb. Worse, they may walk away in disgust, leaving us to hang dumbly from…

Tom Robbins

I won't be managing the Mets. I am closing the door on managing the Mets and probably everybody else.

Joe Torre

Image

The odor of bowel wind is known to every human, but the fragrance of book glue has crossed only a fraction of mortal nostrils.…

Anonymous

Image

I had always assumed that the right way to do it was to these engineers, put them in offices by themselves with doors that…

Eric Schmidt

Image

A home isn't just a roof over our heads. A home is a place where we feel loved and where we love others. It's a place we belong. Love is what makes a home, not the contents inside the house or the number on the door. It's the people waiting for us across the threshold, the people who will take…

Hermann Hesse