Brake Quote by Steven Wright

“I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.”

Steven Wright

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Brake Car Gas Gone Hooked People

More by Steven Wright

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Steven Wright

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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she…

Steven Wright

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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked,…

Steven Wright

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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.

Steven Wright

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Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances.

Steven Wright

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I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.

Steven Wright

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It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The…

Steven Wright

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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I…

Steven Wright

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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby…

Steven Wright

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“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”

Steven Wright

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When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say…

Steven Wright

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I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.

Steven Wright

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Explore all 564 Steven Wright quotes

More Brake quotes

It is amazing how may drivers, even at the Formula One Level, think that the brakes are for slowing the car down.

Mario Andretti

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How do you, on the one hand, not object to Hillary Clinton being elected, and then, on the other hand, tell people, "Elect me to stop her"? It seems like they're giving themselves a really tough position to occupy here, be they governors, senators, congressional members of the House of Representatives. They want to stop Hillary but not enough to…

Rush Limbaugh

Common sense is the guy who tells you that you ought to have had your brakes relined last week before you smashed a front end this week. Common sense is the Monday morning quarterback who could have won the ball game if he had been on the team. But he never is. He's high up in the stands with a…

Raymond Chandler

It's all happening too fast. I've got to put the brakes on or I'll smack into something.

Mel Gibson

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The galleries are full of critics. They play no ball, they fight no fights. They make no mistakes because they attempt nothing. Down in the arena are the doers. They make mistakes because they try many things. The man who makes no mistakes lacks boldness and the spirit of adventure. He is the one who never tries anything. His is…

David M. Shoup

Newman's first law: It is useless to put on your brakes when you're upside down.

Paul Newman

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Lethal like venomous snake bites the marijuana makes my eyes bright red like brake lights

Canibus

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It is sometimes of God's mercy that men in the eager pursuit of worldly aggrandizement are baffled; for they are very like a train…

Henry Ward Beecher

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You say that I should be your teacher! See to it that I am your pinion and not your brake.

Friedrich Nietzsche

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The daughters of God don't brake for jerks.

Marianne Williamson

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France is ready for a European revolution and it is Germany that is pulling the brakes. For a long time, it was the other way around. You don't have to agree with the details of every single one of Emmanuel Macron's suggestions, but he's right about the idea of a new foundation of Europe. Europe's Social Democrats have long demanded…

Martin Schulz