Baseball Quote by Louis C. K

“Bill Gates has 90 billion dollars ... If I had 90 billion dollars, I wouldn't have it for long because I would just dream of all the crazy stuff I could do with it. This guy, 90 billion dollars. He could buy every baseball team and make them all wear dresses and still have 88 billion dollars.”

Louis C. K

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More by Louis C. K

Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance.

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I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to…

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I can feel how an audience is reacting when I'm on a stage, but when you are on stage, your perception is distorted. That's…

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“You need to develop the ability to just be yourself and not be doing something, that's what the phones are taking away. The ability…

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I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die.

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I just love learning. I think learning is how you live. The verb of my life is learning.

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There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I…

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“A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane and ill-advised, and the whole species' existence counts on them doing…

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When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find a way…

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You have to be really tenacious. You have to keep at it. There are many roads to get there. If you can get yourself…

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When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us.

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I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot…

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