I have Twitter so I can tell people what I want them to buy and they give me money. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When I see two guys kissing, I'm like, how come I can't kiss one of those guys? They look like they're having… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I don't care about the weight. You know, I'm lucky; I'm one of those people - I can eat donuts, whatever, and… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
If I'm not on tour, I can run down to the comedy club and do a little stand-up. If you're an actor,… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I don't like waking up. I feel like staying in bed usually, but I can't because I've got two kids standing next… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Whenever I've encountered a Christian saying, 'Why don't you stop talking like that so I can hear you?' I think, 'Well you're… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When two kids are being completely berserk, and they're naked and throwing food around, sometimes I just let it go because I… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I can't just sit on my daughter's bed and just say 'n---' all night and then put her to sleep. I just… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
[about being a father] I don't really remember what it was like before. Whatever I had going on, it was bullshit. It… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I had five dollars in the bank that I couldn't have for three days until they charged me another 15. Leaving me… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I love being divorced. Every year has been better than the last. By the way, I'm not saying don't get married. If… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I can feel how an audience is reacting when I'm on a stage, but when you are on stage, your perception is… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
My 13-year-old daughter leaves the house at 7:15 every morning and takes a smelly city bus to school way uptown. It's like… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I can feel how an audience is reacting when I'm on a stage, but when you are on stage, your perception is distorted. That's… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“You need to develop the ability to just be yourself and not be doing something, that's what the phones are taking away. The ability… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I just love learning. I think learning is how you live. The verb of my life is learning. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane and ill-advised, and the whole species' existence counts on them doing… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find a way… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
You have to be really tenacious. You have to keep at it. There are many roads to get there. If you can get yourself… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
![“[about being a father] I don't really remember what it was like before. Whatever I had going on, it was bullshit. It wasn't important. It's kind of a nice thing about being a dad. My identity is really about them now, and what I can do for them, so it sort of takes the pressure off of your own…” quote by Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/366/louis-c-k-1150_being-a-dad_about-being-a-father-i-don-t-really-reme_2678938.jpg)
