I know I'm getting old because there will be times when I'm not even doing anything and I'll think, 'I need to… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Spend time with your kids and have your own ideas about what they need. It won't take away your manhood; it will… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I like pressure. Pressure doesn't make me crack. It's enabling. I eat pressure, and there might be times when I get a… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When I see two guys kissing, I'm like, how come I can't kiss one of those guys? They look like they're having… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I've had, what, two years? Probably five good years. Before that I had twenty years of uncertainty and suffering and ego destruction… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
A lot of the struggle I had with movies is I really loved moments and tones and feelings in a scene, and… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
The only road to good shows is bad ones. Just go start having a bad time, and if you don't give up,… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
One time I was at a swimming pool with my kids, a public pool. I had my daughter, my six year old,… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I just don't trust any of it. Every time I read something about how there's been another ridiculous climb of the Dow… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I used to like people more, but now I have children and that changes your life in a lot of ways. Like… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I ate too much and masturbated too recently, you know? It's bad to like jerk off and run out the door, 'cause… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I killed my Facebook page years ago because time clicking around is just dead time. Your brain isn't resting and it isn't… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, and more consistency,… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I do feel a lot of times like I'm out of my league with my kids in terms of what my responsibility… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Sadness is poetic. You're lucky to live sad moments. When you let yourself be sad, your body has antibodies. It has happiness… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's really like magic… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When two kids are being completely berserk, and they're naked and throwing food around, sometimes I just let it go because I… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
One time, I threw a candy wrapper on the street. I was with a friend who said to me, You just littered… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I can feel how an audience is reacting when I'm on a stage, but when you are on stage, your perception is distorted. That's… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“You need to develop the ability to just be yourself and not be doing something, that's what the phones are taking away. The ability… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I just love learning. I think learning is how you live. The verb of my life is learning. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane and ill-advised, and the whole species' existence counts on them doing… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find a way… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
You have to be really tenacious. You have to keep at it. There are many roads to get there. If you can get yourself… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
