Some people think it's demeaning to victims if you ever say anything out-loud about sexual abuse of children. I don't know if… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Young people don't even consider that it's a good idea to be out on the fringe, which is where good ideas come… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
People say, 'My phone sucks.' No, it doesn’t! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people.… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I have Twitter so I can tell people what I want them to buy and they give me money. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
The Jackass movies are honestly some of the best movies I've ever seen. I laugh so hard at them. Those guys are… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Why can't we have racism that's ignorant but nice? You could have stereotypes that are positive about race. You could say, "Those… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Don't text or twitter during the show. Just live your life. Don't keep telling people what you're doing. Just, because also -… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Black people have slavery. And white people have our own thing-stuff we went though that hurt us that we have to cope… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Credibility lasts about two cycles of bad material, and then you'll probably never get it back. If you let people down, that's… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Out of the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. There are way more dead people, and you're all… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
People are always fighting for attention with things now because there's so much content. Actually, if you don't tell people stuff -… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I learned that money can be a lot of things,It can be something that is hoarded, fought over, protected, stolen and withheld.… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
It’s been a very old thing for people to gather together and laugh at stuff. The first comedian in America really was… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There’s a need to perfect things in a writers’ room, and that can take a lot of fun out of a show… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There's people that say “It's not fair You have all that stuff.” I wasn't born with it. It was a horrible process… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There are people that really live by doing the right thing, but I don't know what that is, I'm really curious about… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
People say there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Race doesn't mean what it used to in America anymore. It just doesn't. Obama's black, but he's not black the way people… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I just don't trust any of it. Every time I read something about how there's been another ridiculous climb of the Dow… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
If you do something and people think you're stupid, just go for crazy. You get more respect that way because nobody likes… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
We have white people problems in America. You know what that is? That's when your life is amazing, so you just make… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I don't care about the weight. You know, I'm lucky; I'm one of those people - I can eat donuts, whatever, and… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When people are getting richer and richer but they're not actually producing anything, it can't end well. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
You know, the people who do indie film and decide who gets those little budgets? They're mean, man. They're cold and very… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
The thing is, comedy's gone in a weird direction. People are really into ironic comedy and fakeness and cleverness. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Every year white people add 100 years to how long ago slavery was. I've heard educated white people say, 'slavery was 400… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I can feel how an audience is reacting when I'm on a stage, but when you are on stage, your perception is distorted. That's… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“You need to develop the ability to just be yourself and not be doing something, that's what the phones are taking away. The ability… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I just love learning. I think learning is how you live. The verb of my life is learning. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane and ill-advised, and the whole species' existence counts on them doing… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find a way… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
You have to be really tenacious. You have to keep at it. There are many roads to get there. If you can get yourself… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
