If you do something and people think you're stupid, just go for crazy. You get more respect that way because nobody likes… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Black people have slavery. And white people have our own thing-stuff we went though that hurt us that we have to cope… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
We have white people problems in America. You know what that is? That's when your life is amazing, so you just make… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people.… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I just don't trust any of it. Every time I read something about how there's been another ridiculous climb of the Dow… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
To me, there's a huge difference between criticism and reviewing. I really love reading good criticism of television and film. To me,… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
People say, 'My phone sucks.' No, it doesn’t! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Every year white people add 100 years to how long ago slavery was. I've heard educated white people say, 'slavery was 400… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Why can't we have racism that's ignorant but nice? You could have stereotypes that are positive about race. You could say, "Those… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I learned that money can be a lot of things,It can be something that is hoarded, fought over, protected, stolen and withheld.… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's really like magic… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I don't care about the weight. You know, I'm lucky; I'm one of those people - I can eat donuts, whatever, and… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I have Twitter so I can tell people what I want them to buy and they give me money. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
You know, the people who do indie film and decide who gets those little budgets? They're mean, man. They're cold and very… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Well, I think “likability” is an overused word. I don’t watch people 'cause I like them; I watch them because they’re compelling.… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I look around, pretty much 100% of the people driving are texting. And they're killing, everybody's murdering each other with their cars.… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
People are always fighting for attention with things now because there's so much content. Actually, if you don't tell people stuff -… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Don't text or twitter during the show. Just live your life. Don't keep telling people what you're doing. Just, because also -… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Race doesn't mean what it used to in America anymore. It just doesn't. Obama's black, but he's not black the way people… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There’s a need to perfect things in a writers’ room, and that can take a lot of fun out of a show… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I can feel how an audience is reacting when I'm on a stage, but when you are on stage, your perception is distorted. That's… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“You need to develop the ability to just be yourself and not be doing something, that's what the phones are taking away. The ability… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I just love learning. I think learning is how you live. The verb of my life is learning. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane and ill-advised, and the whole species' existence counts on them doing… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find a way… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
You have to be really tenacious. You have to keep at it. There are many roads to get there. If you can get yourself… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
