You have to be really tenacious. You have to keep at it. There are many roads to get there. If you can… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
If you had a jetpack you'd be like I have the shittiest jetpack. Who's your service provider on your jetpack? Did they… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I've had two great years, probably five good years. So I had 20 years of just kind of uncertainty and suffering and… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I love being divorced. Every year has been better than the last. By the way, I'm not saying don't get married. If… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There's people that say “It's not fair You have all that stuff.” I wasn't born with it. It was a horrible process… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Credibility lasts about two cycles of bad material, and then you'll probably never get it back. If you let people down, that's… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Some people think it's demeaning to victims if you ever say anything out-loud about sexual abuse of children. I don't know if… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
The only road to good shows is bad ones. Just go start having a bad time, and if you don't give up,… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
The Jackass movies are honestly some of the best movies I've ever seen. I laugh so hard at them. Those guys are… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
If I'm not on tour, I can run down to the comedy club and do a little stand-up. If you're an actor,… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
You could drive a rental car until you don't want it. Just get out of it while it's moving and just walk… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
If you do something and people think you're stupid, just go for crazy. You get more respect that way because nobody likes… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I don't know if you've ever had just five dollars in the bank, but I've found that if that's all you have,… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people.… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Bill Gates has 90 billion dollars ... If I had 90 billion dollars, I wouldn't have it for long because I would… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
If the whole country had to have the same conversation that was safe for everybody, it would be a pretty awful place… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
If you have something to say, here's what you do: You write it down on a piece of paper, you go out… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
If I found myself alone on planet Earth, no other humans, I would have sex with a monkey in like two minutes.… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
If you're older, you're smarter. I just believe that. If you're in an argument with someone older than you, you should listen… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I can feel how an audience is reacting when I'm on a stage, but when you are on stage, your perception is distorted. That's… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“You need to develop the ability to just be yourself and not be doing something, that's what the phones are taking away. The ability… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I just love learning. I think learning is how you live. The verb of my life is learning. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane and ill-advised, and the whole species' existence counts on them doing… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find a way… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
You have to be really tenacious. You have to keep at it. There are many roads to get there. If you can get yourself… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
