For years, Blockbuster Video has edited movies. Like The Bad Lieutenant, when he's masturbating while the girls in the car are doing… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I killed my Facebook page years ago because time clicking around is just dead time. Your brain isn't resting and it isn't… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I've had two great years, probably five good years. So I had 20 years of just kind of uncertainty and suffering and… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I just always loved comedy and I really wanted to be good at it. And it was heartbreaking, 'cause I started and… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
In 27 years doing this, I've seen a handful of truly great, masterful standup sets. One was Tig Notaro last night at Largo. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I love being divorced. Every year has been better than the last. By the way, I'm not saying don't get married. If… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There's people that say “It's not fair You have all that stuff.” I wasn't born with it. It was a horrible process… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
People say there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
One time I was at a swimming pool with my kids, a public pool. I had my daughter, my six year old,… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
My 13-year-old daughter leaves the house at 7:15 every morning and takes a smelly city bus to school way uptown. It's like… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Rob McElhenney who runs 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.' That show absolutely kills me and I am stunned by the consistency of… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I used to like people more, but now I have children and that changes your life in a lot of ways. Like… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Fathers have skills that they never use at home. You run a landscaping business and you can't dress and feed a four-year-old?… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
The part that's difficult is being single, at 41, after 10 years of marriage and two kids. That's like having a bunch… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I've had, what, two years? Probably five good years. Before that I had twenty years of uncertainty and suffering and ego destruction… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Every year white people add 100 years to how long ago slavery was. I've heard educated white people say, 'slavery was 400… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I can feel how an audience is reacting when I'm on a stage, but when you are on stage, your perception is distorted. That's… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“You need to develop the ability to just be yourself and not be doing something, that's what the phones are taking away. The ability… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I just love learning. I think learning is how you live. The verb of my life is learning. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane and ill-advised, and the whole species' existence counts on them doing… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find a way… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
You have to be really tenacious. You have to keep at it. There are many roads to get there. If you can get yourself… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
