I'm not raising the children-I'm raising the grown-ups that they're going to be. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Last week I got a flu that I caught, 'cause my daughter coughed... into my mouth. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I watch a lot of sports. But when I'm not working, I'm with my daughters every chance I get. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Some people think it's demeaning to victims if you ever say anything out-loud about sexual abuse of children. I don't know if… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Television for a child creates such a high bar of stimulus that nothing else competes. A beautiful day is absolute crap to… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
It's hard having kids because it's boring... It's just being with them on the floor while they be children. They read Clifford… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I can't just sit on my daughter's bed and just say 'n---' all night and then put her to sleep. I just… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
One time I was at a swimming pool with my kids, a public pool. I had my daughter, my six year old,… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I did a show in New Jersey in the auditorium of a technical high school ... Technical high school, that's where dreams… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I used to like people more, but now I have children and that changes your life in a lot of ways. Like… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
My 13-year-old daughter leaves the house at 7:15 every morning and takes a smelly city bus to school way uptown. It's like… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I can feel how an audience is reacting when I'm on a stage, but when you are on stage, your perception is distorted. That's… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“You need to develop the ability to just be yourself and not be doing something, that's what the phones are taking away. The ability… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I just love learning. I think learning is how you live. The verb of my life is learning. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane and ill-advised, and the whole species' existence counts on them doing… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find a way… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
You have to be really tenacious. You have to keep at it. There are many roads to get there. If you can get yourself… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
