« All You Want Quotes · Jack Handey's Page
You Want Quotes by Jack Handey
- What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get…
- I think a good movie would be about a guy who's a brain scientist, but he gets hit on the head and it damages the…
- The first thing was, I learned to forgive myself. Then, I told myself, "Go ahead and do whatever you want, it's okay by me."
- If you want to sue somebody, just get a little plastic skeleton and lay it in their yard. Then tell them their ants ate your…
- Instead of raising your hand to ask a question in class, how about individual push buttons on each desk? That way, when you want to…
- You can kidnap me and force me to be your watchdog if you want to. But I'm telling you, I will bark at any sound…
- Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy", because I would have liked…
- If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort…
- If you go to a party, and you want to be the popular one at the party, do this: Wait until no one is looking,…
- If you want to be the popular one at a party, here's a good thing to do: Go up to some people who are talking…
More You Want Quotes
- If you want to annoy your neighbors, tell the truth about them. — Pietro Aretino
- Flattery and deceit are the darlings of great men, and so with these men spread the butter on thick, if you want… — Pietro Aretino
- It's our hearts and brains that we should exercise more often. You can put on all the makeup you want, but it… — Kevyn Aucoin
- I don't miss anything ever. Because to me, missing something is like going backward a little bit. I don't miss being in… — Fred Armisen
- Minority is about being an individual. It's like you have to sift through the darkness to find your place and be that… — Billie Joe Armstrong
- You can have anything in this world you want, if you want it badly enough and you're willing to pay the price. — Mary Kay Ash
- London has fine museums, the British Library is one of the greatest library institutions in the world... It's got everything you want,… — David Attenborough
- I put my career in second place throughout both my marriages and it suffered. I don't regret it. You make choices. If… — Lauren Bacall
- Can miles truly separate you from friends... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there? — Richard Bach
- You don't want a million answers as much as you want a few forever questions. The questions are diamonds you hold in… — Richard Bach
- I believe that if you want to fight inequality you have to do it starting at infancy. — Michelle Bachelet
- When you want a thing done, 'Don't do it yourself' is a good motto for Scoutmasters. — Robert Baden-Powell