« All Try Quotes · Jack Handey's Page
Try Quotes by Jack Handey
- Instead of building newer and larger weapons of mass destruction, I think mankind should try to get more use out of the ones we have.
- I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the…
- When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.
- If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your lips, because you don't know where that glove has…
- After I die, wherever my spirit goes, I'm going to try to get back and visit my skeleton at least once a year, because, "Hey,…
- I think a new, different kind of bowling should be "carpet bowling." It's just like regular bowling, only the lanes are carpet instead of wood.…
- If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch…
- When this girl at the museum asked me who I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me,…
- If you wear a toupee, why not let your friends try it on for a while? Come on, we're not going to hurt it.
- I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes! Hey, better try…
- If you ever go temporarily insane, don't shoot somebody, like a lot of people do. Instead, try to get some weeding done, because you'd really…
- Whenever anyone says "I can't," it makes me wish he'd get stung to death by about ten thousand bees. When he says "I'll try," five…
- What am I afraid of? I'll tell you: a feather. that's right, a feather. How could anyone be afraid of a feather, you say. That's…
- If the captain invited me to his party, after he had whipped me earlier in the day, up on deck, I guess I'd go, but…
- If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.
- If I was a cowboy in a lynch mob, I think I'd try to stay near the back. That way, if somebody shamed us into…
- I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk…
- If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
More Try Quotes
- Most people live and die with their music still unplayed. They never dare to try. — Mary Kay Ash
- In order to go on living one must try to escape the death involved in perfectionism. — Hannah Arendt
- I've known you long enough to know you try not to let your feelings show. Lately when I hold you near, I… — Superman
- Out of hate, if you try to love that love will just be a hidden hate; it cannot be anything else-you are… — Rajneesh
- I know what its like to want to die; how it hurts to smile; how you try to fit in but you… — Superman
- I try to push ideas away, and the ones that will not leave me alone are the ones that ultimately end up… — J. J. Abrams
- That's why I began doing makeup in the first place: I was hoping that through helping people see the beauty in themselves,… — Kevyn Aucoin
- I would say try to tell stories that you care about as opposed to stories that you think will sell. — Alan Ball