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Something Quotes by Jack Handey
- MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the car - I forget what…
- Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake. That's called Houdini. Love is liking someone a lot.
- I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the…
- If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying'. And if he asks why…
- There's nothing so tragic as seeing a family pulled apart by something as simple as a pack of wolves.
- If I lived in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That was if some…
- I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fisherman caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they…
- You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe…
- To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can…
- You know something that would really make me applaud? A guy gets stuck in quicksand, then sinks, then suddenly comes shooting out, riding on water…
- Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have…
- I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No,…
- I think a new, different kind of bowling should be "carpet bowling." It's just like regular bowling, only the lanes are carpet instead of wood.…
- One thing about my Aunt Nadie: She was gruff on the outside, but if you ever needed something, like a spanking or a scolding, she'd…
- It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny…
- I wish everybody would have to have an electric thing implanted in our heads that gave us a shock whenever we did something to disobey…
- I wish there was a disease where you're afraid of clouds, because I think I could cure it. First, you sit the patient down and…
- If doctors ever tell you that you've "flipped out," don't believe them, and just keep on doing what you were doing, because something tells me…
- I'm just guessing, but probably one of the early signs that your radarscope is wearing out is something I call "image fuzz-out." But I've never…
- The big, huge meteor headed toward the Earth. Could nothing stop it? Maybe Bob could. He was suddenly on top of the meteor-through some kind…
More Something Quotes
- Flattery and deceit are the darlings of great men, and so with these men spread the butter on thick, if you want… — Pietro Aretino
- Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever. — Aristophanes
- I have nothing against 3-D in theory. But I've also never run to the movies because something's in 3-D. — J. J. Abrams
- Politicians also have no leisure, because they are always aiming at something beyond political life itself, power and glory, or happiness. — Aristotle
- In all things of nature there is something of the marvelous. — Aristotle
- I think you have a passion and an obsession for something when it's not necessarily ubiquitous. — J. J. Abrams
- It is just that we should be grateful, not only to those with whose views we may agree, but also to those… — Aristotle
- Hence poetry is something more philosophic and of graver import than history, since its statements are rather of the nature of universals,… — Aristotle