"Anytime I see something screech across a room……" — Jack Handey
"Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what IS that thing?!"
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
See all 397 quotes by Jack Handey »
More Across Quotes
This quote is filed under Across Quotes,
one of 3,257 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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Genres aren't closed boxes. Stuff flows back and forth across the borders all the time.
— Margaret Atwood
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I know that some books and some writers, you can pretty much draw a square around it and say, 'Nobody…
— Margaret Atwood
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The School Energy Crisis Relief Act authorizes the Secretary of Energy to issue energy assistance grants to help the poorest…
— Joe Baca
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A few years ago, I bought an old red bicycle with the words Free Spirit written across its side -…
— Drew Barrymore
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According to some Eastern religion, there is a belt that goes across the world, and I've heard that Minnesota is…
— Melody Beattie
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As freedom-loving people across the globe hope for an end to tyranny, we will never forget the enormous suffering of…
— Bob Beauprez
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When Whitney Houston died, I felt great sadness. My sadness, of course, was about our collective loss - when you…
— James Belushi
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Emigration, forced or chosen, across national frontiers or from village to metropolis, is the quintessential experience of our time.
— John Berger
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The arms race is worse than it ever was, the dumping of creation down a military rat hole is worse…
— Daniel Berrigan
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Philately is normally a boys' hobby but for some reason it was in vogue at my junior school. Between the…
— Sophie Ellis Bextor
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If across the Atlantic the ideology was pride, here it is delivering the goods.
— Theodor Adorno
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But it's not just the cattle producers, it's all the attendant industries like transport and shipping and feed producers and…
— Julie Bishop
See all 3,257 Across Quotes »