« All One Quotes · Mitch Hedberg's Page
One Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
- Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it…
- I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey…
- Mitch's Pizzaria... this week's coupon: unlimited free pizza. Special Note: coupon not good at any of the Mitch's Pizza locations. Free pizza oven with purchase…
- I played golf... I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying...
- One time a guy handed me a picture. He said, 'Here's a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture is of you when…
- My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light a bunch of…
- Sometimes I wake up and I think I should start wearing a beret, but I don't do it. One day I'm gonna, though. You bet…
- I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
- I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
- I saw a product on late night tv. It said, you can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product. Who the fuck would make their…
More One Quotes
- In order to go on living one must try to escape the death involved in perfectionism. — Hannah Arendt
- Power and violence are opposites; where the one rules absolutely, the other is absent. Violence appears where power is in jeopardy, but… — Hannah Arendt
- Poets are the only people to whom love is not only a crucial, but an indispensable experience, which entitles them to mistake… — Hannah Arendt
- Economic growth may one day turn out to be a curse rather than a good, and under no conditions can it either… — Hannah Arendt
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- No cause is left but the most ancient of all, the one, in fact, that from the beginning of our history has… — Hannah Arendt
- The defiance of established authority, religious and secular, social and political, as a world-wide phenomenon may well one day be accounted the… — Hannah Arendt
- Where all are guilty, no one is; confessions of collective guilt are the best possible safeguard against the discovery of culprits, and… — Hannah Arendt