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Last Quotes by Steven Wright
- Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
- Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
- I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
- Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
- Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I…
- Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
- The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, 'Tell me about some of the people who were here last year.
- I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I…
- I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.
- I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before I died would be…
- You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you…
- Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.
More Last Quotes
- Thou wilt find rest from vain fancies if thou doest every act in life as though it were thy last. — Aristotle
- Government has come to be a trade, and is managed solely on commercial principles. A man plunges into politics to make his… — Ralph Waldo Emerson
- Do you know how much you mean to me? Do you know that you are the first thing I think of when… — Superman
- Fight to the last gasp. — William Shakespeare
- No government can be maintained without the principle of fear as well as duty. Good men will obey the last, but bad… — Thomas Jefferson
- The defiance of established authority, religious and secular, social and political, as a world-wide phenomenon may well one day be accounted the… — Hannah Arendt
- The law is the last result of human wisdom acting upon human experience for the benefit of the public. — Samuel Johnson
- Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside… — Lance Armstrong