« All I Told Quotes · Jack Handey's Page
I Told Quotes by Jack Handey
- Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got…
- My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our…
- As we were driving, we saw a sign that said, "Watch for Rocks." Martha said it should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks." I told her…
- The first thing was, I learned to forgive myself. Then, I told myself, "Go ahead and do whatever you want, it's okay by me."
More I Told Quotes
- (On seeing a former lover for the first time in years) I thought I told you to wait in the car. — Tallulah Bankhead
- I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me.… — Roseanne Barr
- I always wanted to be a rock star. That was my childhood dream. That's what I told everybody I was going to… — Chester Bennington
- I was angry with my friend: I told my wrath, my wrath did end. I was angry with my foe: I told… — William Blake
- You can hate me. You can go out there and say anything you want about me, But you will love me later… — Mary J. Blige
- When Brian told me he grew up in New Mexico, I told him I thought it is cool that people from other… — Terry Bradshaw
- Leroy bet me I couldn't find a pot of gold at the end, and I told him that was a stupid bet… — Rita Mae Brown
- If I told you all the people that have secretly told me I've influenced them, you'd never believe it, and you'll never… — Dave Brubeck
- I used to save all my rejection slips because I told myself, one day I'm going to autograph these and auction them.… — James Lee Burke
- I told you I'm not going to criticize my successor. I'll just tell you that there are people at Gitmo that will… — George W. Bush
- I never saw my dad cry. My son saw me cry. My dad never told me he loved me, and consequently I… — James Caan
- Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't… — Tim Allen