« All Husband Quotes · Joan Rivers's Page
Husband Quotes by Joan Rivers
- Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
- I said to my husband, 'my boobs have gone, my stomach's gone, say something nice about my legs.' He said, 'Blue goes with everything.'
- I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
- I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
- Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
- I have no sex appeal; if my husband didn't toss and turn, we'd never have had the kid.
- My mother told me 'man on top, woman underneath.' For years my husband & I slept in bunk beds.
- Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
- My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
- Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
- I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three…
- The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
More Husband Quotes
- A real man loves his wife, and places his family as the most important thing in life. Nothing has brought me more… — Frank Abagnale
- Children are supposed to help hold a marriage together. They do this in a number of ways. For instance, they demand so… — Richard Armour
- It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a… — Jane Austen
- Husbands and wives generally understand when opposition will be vain. — Jane Austen
- My husband and I had five biological children but we also have been raising 23 foster children. — Michele Bachmann
- I am proud of my husband, Marcus, the love of my life, and his Swiss heritage. Even though I have been a… — Michele Bachmann
- I would agree that President Carter didn't live up to the expectation we all had when he came in 1976. My husband… — Michele Bachmann
- I'm not only a lawyer, I have a post doctorate degree in federal tax law from William and Mary. I work in… — Michele Bachmann
- Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of husbands. Remember all men would be tyrants if they could. — Abigail Adams
- A good husband is never the first to go to sleep at night or the last to awake in the morning. — Honore de Balzac
- A lover always thinks of his mistress first and himself second; with a husband it runs the other way. — Honore de Balzac
- The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin. — Honore de Balzac