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Claus Quotes by Jon Stewart
1 Claus quote by Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart has 231 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:
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Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use…
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I'm doing everything I can to sabotage my career. It's a little thing called "fear of success".
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The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.
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Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips…
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Bad jokes and gay marriage are destroying this country. But torture can save it.
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Don't confuse [Father's Day] with Valentine's Day, and here's why. Boy, will you creep him out. I can just tell you from…
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Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s…
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I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything.
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The last thing we'll hear is some scientist saying 'It works!'
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Is listening to Pink Floyd in the dark a medical condition?
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I've always run by the hierarchy of 'If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre,…
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A guy comes down to earth, takes your sins, dies, and comes back three days later. You believe in him and go…
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More Claus Quotes
Popular Claus quotes from across the collection:
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We have domesticated God's transcendence. We often learn about God at about the same time as we are learning about Santa Claus;…
— Karen Armstrong
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Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.
— Victor Borge
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I don't really care what people tell children - when you believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy,…
— Julie Burchill
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Nobody shoots at Santa Claus.
— Samuel Butler
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He was a parade all by himself, a burst of dazzle and jingle, Santa Claus drinking his whiskey straight and groaning with…
— Jimmy Cannon
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but…
— W.C. Fields
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You remember when you were a kid growing up, and believed in Santa Claus? There's not much difference between Santa Claus and…
— Bobby Knight
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A man of fifty looks as old as Santa Claus to a girl of twenty.
— William Feather
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God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat.
— H. L. Mencken
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If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing…
— Jack Handey
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No sane local official who has hung up an empty stocking over the municipal fireplace is going to shoot Santa Claus just…
— Al Smith
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One of the things I had a hard time getting used to when I came to California in '78 was Santa Claus…
— Dennis Franz
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