All Louis C. K. Quotes
- I don't have a gun, but if I did, I would shoot a baby deer in the mouth and feel nothing. Baby
- Most people are dead. Hitler. Ray Charles. Some other guys. But mostly those two. Charles
- I don't have sex drive... I have sex 'just sit in the car and hope someone gets in'. Car
- You have to be aware of who you're talking to in an audience. Audience
- Sometimes I try to take a nap before shows. That clears my head. Clears
- I just always loved comedy and I really wanted to be good at it. And it was heartbreaking, 'cause I started and I wasn't good… Always Loved
- In 27 years doing this, I've seen a handful of truly great, masterful standup sets. One was Tig Notaro last night at Largo. Great
- I just love learning. I think learning is how you live. The verb of my life is learning. Inspirational
- I learned that money can be a lot of things,It can be something that is hoarded, fought over, protected, stolen and withheld. Or it can… Common
- Feeling unsure and lost is part of your path. Don't avoid it. See what those feelings are showing you and use it. Avoid
- I'm not raising the children-I'm raising the grown-ups that they're going to be. Children
- Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, I’m kind of an asshole.’ Asshole
- People say, 'My phone sucks.' No, it doesn’t! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone. Cellphone
- My kids and I figured out that there’s a third kind of person, and I don’t know what you call them, but it’s somebody who… Always Full
- I have a lot of beliefs and I live by none of them. Belief
- I used to like people more, but now I have children and that changes your life in a lot of ways. Like you spend time… Based
- I just don't trust any of it. Every time I read something about how there's been another ridiculous climb of the Dow Jones, there's a… Actually Producing
- I've started to kind of hate people, and it's not because I have anything against them. It's just, I enjoy it. It's recreation. Enjoy
- I killed my Facebook page years ago because time clicking around is just dead time. Your brain isn't resting and it isn't doing. I think… Ago
- If you're older, you're smarter. I just believe that. If you're in an argument with someone older than you, you should listen to 'em. Even… Argument
- I did a show in New Jersey in the auditorium of a technical high school ... Technical high school, that's where dreams are narrowed down.… Auditorium
- God is like a shitty girlfriend. Girlfriend
- If you do something and people think you're stupid, just go for crazy. You get more respect that way because nobody likes stupid people. Crazy
- I ate too much and masturbated too recently, you know? It's bad to like jerk off and run out the door, 'cause you run into… Alone
- I am really tired of looking at my hips. I'm seriously really tired of standing naked in the mirror and staring at my hips for… Hips