All Louis C. K. Quotes
- I look around, pretty much 100% of the people driving are texting. And they're killing, everybody's murdering each other with their cars. But people are… Alone
- Here's how my brain works: It's stupidity, followed by self-hatred, and then further analysis. Analysis
- When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president. Bacon
- There's no way you ask Sean Penn a question and then, you're gonna be HUGE ! Ask
- I have a lot of beliefs, and I live by none of them - that's just the way I am they make me feel good… Belief
- Race doesn't mean what it used to in America anymore. It just doesn't. Obama's black, but he's not black the way people used to define… Abuelita
- The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to. Choose
- Expensive quality work doesn't cost more - it pays. Cost
- You're a tourist in sexual perversion. I'm a prisoner there. Inspirational
- It's hard having kids because it's boring... It's just being with them on the floor while they be children. They read Clifford the Big Red… Big
- You know when you see a mother someplace just melting down on her kid? She's like, 'Shut up, I hate you, you're ugly!'... Any parents… Any
- You can't answer a kid's question. A kid never accepts any answer. A kid never says, 'Oh, thanks. I get it.'... They just keep coming… Accepting
- I can't just sit on my daughter's bed and just say 'n---' all night and then put her to sleep. I just ain't gonna do… All
- I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor. Humor
- You know the only thing happier than a three-legged dog? A four-legged dog. Dog
- Look at all the minorities around here! I'm the only majority. All
- You know what our number one threat is? Heart disease. Disease
- If you can survive disappointment, nothing can beat you Beat
- I read something in the paper that really confused me the other day. It said that 80 percent of the people in New York are… Africa
- I'd like to name my kid a whole phrase. You know, something like Ladies and Gentlemen. That'll be a cool name for a kid. This… Cool
- If you have something to say, here's what you do: You write it down on a piece of paper, you go out in the lobby,… Down
- Every year white people add 100 years to how long ago slavery was. I've heard educated white people say, 'slavery was 400 years ago.' No… Add
- You can figure out how bad a person you are by how soon after September 11th you masturbated, like how long you waited... and for… Bad
- Last week I got a flu that I caught, 'cause my daughter coughed... into my mouth. Caught
- Sorry - Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someone's getting hurt. Americans