Louis C. K. Quotes

184 quotes in 2108 categories

• I found out that I'm a pretty bad father. I make a lot of mistakes and I don't know what I'm doing. But my kids…
• When my kids were younger, I used to avoid them. I used to sit on the toilet 'til my legs fell asleep. You want to…
• Fathers have skills that they never use at home. You run a landscaping business and you can't dress and feed a four-year-old? Take it on!
• People say there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a bunch of people…
• People come back from flights and tell you a story like it's a horror story. That's how bad they make it sound. They're like, 'It…
• Spend time with your kids and have your own ideas about what they need. It won't take away your manhood; it will give it to…
• ...Then I got divorced and everything changed, and I became a father in a whole new way and found a whole new set of difficulties.
• When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day…
• One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go…
• How do women still go out guys, when you consider that there is no greater threat to women than men? We're the number one threat…
• There's a reason it's called 'girls gone wild' and not 'women gone wild'. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild,…
• You know what, it's not your life, it's life. Life is bigger than you, if you can imagine that. Life isn't something that you possess,…
• Misery is wasted on the miserable.
• The part that's difficult is being single, at 41, after 10 years of marriage and two kids. That's like having a bunch of money in…
• Someday, one of your friends is gonna get divorced, it's gonna happen, and they're gonna tell you. Don't go, 'ohhhh I'm sorry.' That's a stupid…
• I love being divorced. Every year has been better than the last. By the way, I'm not saying don't get married. If you meet somebody,…
• Friends should always tell you the truth. But please don’t.
• I finally have the body I want. It’s easy, actually, you just have to want a really shitty body.
• I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish - that's what I hope heaven is, that they tell you who…
• Life is full of horrible mistakes.

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