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Know Quotes by Louis C. K.
- I found out that I'm a pretty bad father. I make a lot of mistakes and I don't know what I'm doing. But my kids…
- When my kids were younger, I used to avoid them. I used to sit on the toilet 'til my legs fell asleep. You want to…
- When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day…
- How do women still go out guys, when you consider that there is no greater threat to women than men? We're the number one threat…
- You know what, it's not your life, it's life. Life is bigger than you, if you can imagine that. Life isn't something that you possess,…
- Someday, one of your friends is gonna get divorced, it's gonna happen, and they're gonna tell you. Don't go, 'ohhhh I'm sorry.' That's a stupid…
- I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish - that's what I hope heaven is, that they tell you who…
- You know when you see a mother someplace just melting down on her kid? She's like, 'Shut up, I hate you, you're ugly!'... Any parents…
- You can't answer a kid's question. A kid never accepts any answer. A kid never says, 'Oh, thanks. I get it.'... They just keep coming…
- You know the only thing happier than a three-legged dog? A four-legged dog.
- You know what our number one threat is? Heart disease.
- I'd like to name my kid a whole phrase. You know, something like Ladies and Gentlemen. That'll be a cool name for a kid. This…
- Sorry - Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someone's getting hurt.
- My kids and I figured out that there’s a third kind of person, and I don’t know what you call them, but it’s somebody who…
- I just don't trust any of it. Every time I read something about how there's been another ridiculous climb of the Dow Jones, there's a…
- I ate too much and masturbated too recently, you know? It's bad to like jerk off and run out the door, 'cause you run into…
- Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead.
- There are people that really live by doing the right thing, but I don't know what that is, I'm really curious about that. I'm really…
- I like pressure. Pressure doesn't make me crack. It's enabling. I eat pressure, and there might be times when I get a bad feeling in…
- I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that.
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