“A brick and a blanket represent two lovers who can never be together. I simply forbid it! ” — Jarod Kintz Two lovers Copy Share Image
“A brick has no legs, so it probably slithers like a snake. Therefore, a brick might make a good pet. And at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I pitted two ditch diggers against each other, to see who could dig a pit the fastest.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We made love like Tuesday at noon, even though it was Thursday at 3:00, and then again at 3:03. (I have the… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“People can only grow, stagnate, or regress. Which one are you doing? I’m both growing and stagnating, because I’m learning every day,… — Jarod Kintz Every day Copy Share Image
“I never understood the term “Ass hat.” Not until I misplaced my Fedora, and decided to cover up my disheveled hair with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is a gift. Mine comes in a box that’s shaped like a coffin.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“To maximize love, I try to emulate an omelet. And I’m not just saying that to sound romantic.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I’m dropping by. I may hit a few red lights, so I’ll be there in thirteen hours.” — Jarod Kintz Red light Copy Share Image
“My ex girlfriend would say I am a bit of a romantic. Well, actually, she'd say I bit a romantic. I bit… — Jarod Kintz Ex girlfriend Copy Share Image
“For my birthday, a few of my wealthier friends got me a pot to piss in. Also, they were kind enough to… — Jarod Kintz Friendship Copy Share Image
“We are the wire, and tomorrow is like yesterday with a furry back. Don’t pet me, Tuesday! Please don’t Wednesday with my… — Jarod Kintz Tuesday Copy Share Image
“I’m thirsting for fame. I’m so fucking thirsty. Somebody bring me a tall glass of saltwater with a side order of desert.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“So that was how I spent nine months of my life. I felt like I was pregnant, except instead of giving life,… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“I want a piece of apple pie so large I could wedge a For Sale sign in it and make all the… — Jarod Kintz Apple pie Copy Share Image
“Too bad Americans can’t export Awesome, because I have boxes and boxes of the stuff just lying around in my attic.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I could, I’d eat love for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And for in-between snacks, I’d eat passion fruit.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“If I had four fingers growing out of my forehead, I wouldn't try to play the piano with my nose.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Last February had 29 days. It wasn’t a leap year, but me and 28 of my clones each remember that month as… — Jarod Kintz Leap year Copy Share Image
“To every party, I bring my own booze. No need to help me carry it, as I walk in with it already… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
