Best George Carlin Qoutes
- I use the word 'fat'. I use that word because that's what people are: they're fat. They're not bulky; they're not large, chunky, hefty or… Aircraft
- I find it discouraging - and a bit depressing - when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO believers on the… Afforded
- If a lobster didn't look like a sci-fi monster, people would be less able to drop him alive into boiling water. Able
- And what can we do to silence these Christian athletes who thank Jesus whenever they win, never mention his name when they lose? Not a… According
- It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard.… American
- If you take five white guys and put 'em with five black guys, and let 'em hang around together for about a month, and at… Around Together
- Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view. All
- If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse. American
- So about 80 years after the Constitution is ratified, the slaves are freed. Not so you'd really notice it of course; just kinda on paper.… Another Phrase
- Let me get a sip of water here...you figure this stuff is safe to drink? Actually, I don't care, I drink it anyway. You know… American
- When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons. High
- One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly… Bullshit
- If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? Inspirational
- Politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't. Choice
- The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you don't drive sober… Ad
- People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy? Ask
- We are all precancerous. All
- Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is. Country
- History is not happenstance: it is conspiratorial. Carefully planned and executed by people in power. Carefully
- I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human… Animal
- So I live in Los Angeles, and it's kind of a goofy place. They have an airport named after John Wayne. That ought to explain… Airport
- A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it's… Anger
- If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer. Cancer
- I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I consider them to be symbols and I leave symbols to the symbol… All
- You don’t see many of these white anti-abortion women volunteering to have any black fetuses transplanted into their uterus’s, do you? No, you don’t see… Abortion
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