Check out the helmet hair on Randy Moss, babe! He looks like some freakish anti-Mr. T after a long evening sleeping through… — Dennis Miller Babe Copy Share Image
Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her dress is all wrong is like Carrot Top telling Lenny Bruce he needs to get an… — Dennis Miller Carrots Copy Share Image
Lotto fever hit New York again this week, and like the old saying goes, 'You gotta be in it to win it'...… — Dennis Miller Chance Copy Share Image
I have a nice house. And when somebody says it's a palace, I always feel like we're digging a little or something. — Dennis Miller Digging Copy Share Image
The world is so ass-backwards it almost makes you wish you were dyslexic. — Dennis Miller Ass Copy Share Image
America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school. — Dennis Miller America Copy Share Image
To me, nature always appears more unbalanced than Gary Busey with a clogged Eustachian tube. — Dennis Miller Gary Copy Share Image
It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis. — Dennis Miller Bases Copy Share Image
I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown. — Dennis Miller Cat Copy Share Image
I still feel pangs of remorse over an insidious habit I've had since I was a teenager. About three times a week,… — Dennis Miller Auctions Copy Share Image
I used to be sceptic, but not anymore, because now I am positive that I'm getting screwed. — Dennis Miller Sceptic Copy Share Image
Look, we're Americans: optimistic, addicted to the quick fix, constantly on the hunt for the new and exotic. It's much easier for… — Dennis Miller Accepting Copy Share Image
We've got Nancy Pelosi. She never shuts up. It's just occasionally we have to hood her like a falcon so we can… — Dennis Miller Falcon Copy Share Image
Bad television is three things: a bullet train to a morally bankrupt youth, a slow spiral into an intellectual void, and of… — Dennis Miller Blast Copy Share Image
Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble. — Dennis Miller Benefits Copy Share Image
If somebody wants to shoot up and die in front of you, more power to them. The herd has a way of… — Dennis Miller Dies Copy Share Image
What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then… — Dennis Miller Business Copy Share Image
When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of… — Dennis Miller Boogers Copy Share Image
I find it shocking that anybody can be brought down in D.C. for gossip, ostensibly. I thought that was the coin of… — Dennis Miller Coins Copy Share Image
What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and… — Dennis Miller Big mac Copy Share Image
The Nazi signs have got to stop. If you're in a peace march and the guy next to you has a sign… — Dennis Miller Ass Copy Share Image
And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than… — Dennis Miller Abortion Copy Share Image
When you're sharing a mud hole with a wildebeest derriere in sub-Saharan Africa, that's a living hell. — Dennis Miller Hell Copy Share Image
