Now let me get this straight. Bush is anti-abortion, but pro-death penalty. I guess it's all in the timing, huh? — Dennis Miller Abortion Copy Share Image
Is global warming new? I don't know. When I was young I remember the sun being hot. — Dennis Miller Global warming Copy Share Image
There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim. — Dennis Miller Atheism Copy Share Image
After September 11th, freedom of speech in America has become a topic that's touchier than a Vatican summer camp. — Dennis Miller America Copy Share Image
Half the people I look who are health food addicts look sickly to me. Let's start taxing health food. Somebody force a… — Dennis Miller Addict Copy Share Image
I want to help the helpless, but I don't want to help the clueless. — Dennis Miller Clueless Copy Share Image
When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat. — Dennis Miller Courses Copy Share Image
A developer is someone who wants to build a house in the woods. An environmentalist is someone who already has a house… — Dennis Miller Cynicism Copy Share Image
I am proof that Einstein's "e equals m c squared" is wrong. My mass has increased, but my energy has dropped. — Dennis Miller Energy Copy Share Image
[The Internet] ... is an amazing communications tool that's bringing the whole world together. I mean, you sit down to sign on… — Dennis Miller America Copy Share Image
We are simultaneously the most hated, loved, feared and admired nation on this planet. In short, we are Frank Sinatra. — Dennis Miller Bones Copy Share Image
The man who accused Richard Simmons of slapping him in an airport has dropped the assault charge. Dropped it! Upon hearing the… — Dennis Miller Accused Copy Share Image
I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party. — Dennis Miller Communist Copy Share Image
The Mexican people I know seem to respect the country in a way that many spoiled brats who were born here don't.… — Dennis Miller Book Copy Share Image
The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell… — Dennis Miller Down and Copy Share Image
Wouldn't it be great if all of Osama bin Laden's money was tied up in Enron stock? — Dennis Miller Bin laden Copy Share Image
They have an amazing proliferation of TV channels now: The all-cartoon channel, the 24-hour-science fiction channel. Of course, to make room for… — Dennis Miller Cartoon Copy Share Image
So who's the big red menace nowadays? Cuba. That's it? I'm sorry, but it's hard to whip up any us against them… — Dennis Miller Bigs Copy Share Image
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it… — Dennis Miller Humorous-quotes Copy Share Image
Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that… — Dennis Miller Guilt Copy Share Image
I didn't know my Dad - he moved out early. And my mom's politics were kind of hardscrabble. She didn't think about… — Dennis Miller About Copy Share Image
A third myth is that men think that women like guys who are dangerous. As a result, guys will often smoke cigarettes,… — Dennis Miller Cigarette Copy Share Image
A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. — Dennis Miller Cop Copy Share Image
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