It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is,… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
