Man, you can come see me six or seven times in a row and you'll never see the same show twice, because… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You know what I like? I like classic stuff. I like 'The Andy Griffith Show' - the variety of characters was so… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I may even show up behind the camera. I love to put things together; I love to give direction. I have a… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I'm afraid one thing - I don't like heights. Heights bug me out. I'm not cool with heights. I refuse to do… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
In my stand-up, I've always been loose. If there's a curtain onstage, I'll use that in my act. If there's a door,… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Curb Your Enthusiasm set me up so perfectly. That was one of my favorite shows before I got on it. That started… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
When you're on stage performing stand-up, things only happen one time. I've done bits where I improv a joke, and people are… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I quit my day job the day my daughter was born. I remember flying to Cleveland and hitting a thunderstorm, which caused… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You know what I like? I like classic stuff. I like 'The Andy Griffith Show' - the variety of characters was so amazing to… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You have to fail, man, but you cannot allow failure to stop you from doing what you must do. Failing is just as good… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
If a director brings a guy to their movie who does improv, they've got to let him do what he does - otherwise it's… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Improv relies just as much on listening as it does you delivering dialogue. That's the hard for some people. Some people just concentrate on… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
My life is gardening, cleaning around the house and power washing. I power wash everything: my wife, the mailman with the f-cking mail, power… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I believe, even when I'm doing my standup or my acting or whatever I'm doing, I believe in painting pictures. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I should be European, man. I'm long and lean. I'd look good in a trench coat. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Man, you can come see me six or seven times in a row and you'll never see the same show twice, because I don't… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I've done everything. Selling door-to-door fire extinguishers... In bars, I used to repair those machines that have 10 different buttons on them to spray… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I'm nice with damn kids, man. Kids love me. I can bounce back and forth. I can discipline kids and I can get into… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You want your lady to be a contortionist. What man wouldn't want a lady who's a contortionist? — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
