If your boss asks you why you're comin' in late, you say it's 'cause you stayed late. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You turn hotdogs with tongs. Don't you ever use those tongs on a hamburger. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You gotta improvise in life. You gotta improv if the police pull you over. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You want your lady to be a contortionist. What man wouldn't want a lady who's a contortionist? — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You got to start by doing little things if your quest is to take over the world. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I just always found it easier to be the same guy onstage as you are offstage. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
'The ruckus' is different experiences you go through throughout your life which builds your ruckus points up - your tolerance. You've got… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I wouldn't want to be someone's roommate, that's for sure. You can't do certain things: you can't leave the bathroom door open...… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You know what I like? I like classic stuff. I like 'The Andy Griffith Show' - the variety of characters was so… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You buy a new iPhone, a few months later, another new iPhone comes out, and you get online to buy another one.… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Live TV has an amazing pace to it. You've got to be able to think quick, make changes last minute, and be… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I'm street smart. You can't con me. But that's just from living in New York. Now if a guy came from Mississippi… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I think what I do in my acting world and what I do in my standup world is bring up a brand… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
When you speak directly at things and don't say you're going to try to do something or that you hope to do… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Improv relies just as much on listening as it does you delivering dialogue. That's the hard for some people. Some people just… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I'm sure back in the Greek days or the Roman Empire days, when guys fought in arenas and were fighting lions, people… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
It's great when a director like Cameron Crowe can take what you do and fit it into what he's doing. If someone's… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
To be a true comic, you have to have a signature move. You ever watch wrestling? And your favorite wrestler has the… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I've had jokes stolen a thousand times. But if you can do it better than me, you can have it. I've had… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Mel Gibson is losing it. I don't know how people still supporting this dude's movies like it's all good. That dude is… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Sometimes you can make friends, and sometimes you can take friends. Sometimes people want to be friends with you, and you gotta… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You don't want to take the world over with a whole hamper full of dirty clothes. That's the main thing people overlook.… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I tell people all the time, as I was going through my process of being a comedian or being an actor and… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I'm on my version of the protein diet, but there ain't no protein in it. It's a Krispy Kreme doughnut between two… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You know what I like? I like classic stuff. I like 'The Andy Griffith Show' - the variety of characters was so amazing to… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You have to fail, man, but you cannot allow failure to stop you from doing what you must do. Failing is just as good… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
If a director brings a guy to their movie who does improv, they've got to let him do what he does - otherwise it's… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Improv relies just as much on listening as it does you delivering dialogue. That's the hard for some people. Some people just concentrate on… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
My life is gardening, cleaning around the house and power washing. I power wash everything: my wife, the mailman with the f-cking mail, power… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I believe, even when I'm doing my standup or my acting or whatever I'm doing, I believe in painting pictures. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I should be European, man. I'm long and lean. I'd look good in a trench coat. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Man, you can come see me six or seven times in a row and you'll never see the same show twice, because I don't… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I've done everything. Selling door-to-door fire extinguishers... In bars, I used to repair those machines that have 10 different buttons on them to spray… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I'm nice with damn kids, man. Kids love me. I can bounce back and forth. I can discipline kids and I can get into… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You want your lady to be a contortionist. What man wouldn't want a lady who's a contortionist? — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
